Strong Pomegranate

logically!

2010-09-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

i shall enumerate a few key reasons why everyone should study logic.

first, and most importantly, why we should all study logic because it is good to study logic.

secondly, back in high school, i had an art teacher who said that logic is the best way to develop one's mind.

also, she knew a guy who studied logic in college who went to make millions of dollars, so clearly, the surest way to success in life is to study logic.

on the flip side, there was a guy who didn't take logic in school, given the opportunity, and he wound up being killed by a gang two years later.

in conclusion, you should study logic. or else...!

a ponder to question

2010-09-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

concerning gregorian chanters--what did greg do that drove so many people to cast spells on him?

thought for food

2010-08-25T12:08:00.001-07:00

E.V.O.O.

(untitled)

why give a damn

2010-08-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

i read mortimer adler's ten philosophical mistakes. it's a great book by a great mind. basically he outlines what he sees as ten major areas in which modern and contemporary philosophy 'get it wrong' and readjusts them with a more or less aristotlean perspective.

anyway, one of the chapters regards the idea of a human nature, specifically that most modern philosophy would say that there is no such thing as human nature. if you look at any species there are certain characteristics, instincts, and predispositions in its behavior. all dogs act like dogs, all bees do generally the same thing. humans, however, have no common behavior practices, i.e., from one culture to another, from one era to another, there are vast differences between, v.g., social hierarchy and political organization, manners and etiquette, language structure (even sounds), 'common sense', taste preferences, means of offense and the list goes on.

since there's no discernible (diZZZZernible, for you certain friend) common trait it is supposed that there is no human nature (a quick side note, which bears repeating, is that most proponents of the 'no human nature' idea are also ones who would say that humans aren't a different kind of animal, rather we are only different in degree [i.e., in the evolutionary process], but, since all other animals do have discernible common traits, and, in their understanding, we don't, wouldn't that make us of a different kind?).

adler goes on to say that we do have a human nature, and our common human behavioral trait is one of potentiality. his meaning is that, while europeans and africans and malaysians may all have different behavioral traits, none of the people started off with them, and if a malaysian baby happened to grow up in africa, with african parents, it would have adopted all of the behaviors, thinking, and preferences (even language and tones) of the specific african people with which it grew up.

personally, i think america is itself the prime proof of this--multifarious ethnic traditions have given way to the western tradition in this, the great melting pot (even proponents of 'the great tossed salad' label couldn't argue that, while many people may have maintained much of their traditional heritage, the western mindset and ways have, by default of association and immersion, been picked up and worked into whatever culture was preserved in the immigration).

there's much more to this chapter and the implications of having a human nature, and it's definitely worth the read, but there's a specific tangent i ran with, with the help of my brilliant and insightful wife.

you know those people who take a good idea, however worthy the intentions, too far, specifically, those who can't handle someone having an issue with any facet of a different culture? here's what i mean--someone says 'i don't like thai people; their food is weird, the inflection in their language is like nails on a chalkboard, and what is with their need to serve?!' at which point someone else (rightly) interjects, 'hey, you're missing all of the beauty of those things--their food is a savory amalgam of spice and flavor, they practically sing while they talk, and a culture of service is what this world needs!'

well played. but here's where it goes too far: 'the general acceptance of prostitution, specifically the abduction and slavery of young village girls, and the prolific homosexual appetite are just parts of their culture. they aren't bad, they just are, and you have no right to have a problem with them. who is to say that they are right or wrong?'

the good idea of general culture-appreciation taken too far gives license for all sorts of human rights violations. a few others off the cuff would be the caste system's utter neglect of the poorest of the poor, abortion, euthanasia, forced female circumcision and credit cards.

first of all, there's a disconnect in this thinking, in the form of a double standard. people who tell domineering westerners not to domineer (bash and purge) other cultures because of the inherent neutrality of cultural practices and behaviors isn't allowing domineering westerners to do what comes culturally natural to them. they recognize that there's something that needs to change in their own western culture, but will accept willy-nilly, in the delusion of cultural celebration and freedom (read as 'license' [the difference between the two terms is left for another exposition]), the rancor practices of other ethnic traditions.

so it is recognized, then, that, while every culture has good and beautiful things about them (which should be appreciated, if not necessarily understood), there are also some things that need to change, for the basic human rights of all people.

the main issue i want to pose, though, the one that connects to adler's point of having a human nature of potentiality, concerns the idea of celebration of cultures at all. we don't praise dogs for sniffing each other's butts. we don't appreciate the self-expression of the cheetah for chasing down and pouncing on a gazelle (do they even hunt gazelle?). why not? because it's in their nature to do these things. a dog instinctually gathers information about other dogs it comes in contact with through its olfactory sense, and a cheetah doesn't rigorously train in order to achieve its remarkable hunting speed. they just do it naturally.

and with the law of extremes (exemplified in 'both extreme darkness and extreme brightness cause blindness'), if humans have no nature, then the behavioral manifestations of each culture have simply just happened and are no cause for celebration. 'hey, you happened to do that thing that way. good... for... you.'

but, if the nature of humans is potentiality, and cultures could have wound up looking any sort of an infinite variety of ways, and this culture developed this way, and that one that way, then there's cause to celebrate! then a culture becomes a living, organic work of art, with each person of each generation contributing and detracting, molding and changing that culture into what it is from what was handed down. now language tones become special, now cultural preferences have significance, now social and political structure have inherent beauty along with utility.

now each culture really is something special, something that couldn't have just been without the actualization of a general, human potentiality.

taking the idea of aristotle that 'at his best, man is the noblest of animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst' (nicomachean ethics, i believe) and running with it, we now have the true freedom not only to celebrate diverse cultures for all that they have that's worth celebrating (even if, again, it isn't all understood or relatable), but we also have the freedom to criticize a culture for its truly horrific social issues, those things which destroy the opportunity for not only basic human survival and hygiene and the owning of property, but also the pursuit of happiness in the form of right moral living, creative expression, and the attainment of excellence in whatever area of work, leisure and play.

we can say something is wrong and help that culture change it, or at least (in an effort not to be a domineering westerner), help them see what is wrong so they can change it from the inside.

now we can give a damn (or in other words, 'social justice, go!').

our generational advantage

2010-08-02T11:17:00.001-07:00

in this, our generation of microwaves, video games and the ubiquitous party, we are at a slight loss when it comes to buckling down and getting things done. we dont know what it is to work (not really), and responsibility is an archaic term for something our parents used to own. we are free to not have to really learn to develop skills, but if there's some talent we desire, say in basketball or martial arts, or if there's some fantastical place we want to go, instead of doing the work to actively participate in a book, why we just turn on our xbox and ps3. if and the levels are too hard, we use a cheat!

ah, the age of no demands.

but there's a gift in all of this, at least for those of us who have been able to step outside the delusion of laid back, digital escapism. think of it like this--a lot of conservative, evangelical christians claim that our founding fathers were sincere christians with the same viewpoints and theological understandings as the large, mostly white churches of our day. many historians have a different understanding of our founding fathers viewpoints.

the prevailing secular view, from what i understand, is that our founding fathers were deists, that is, they believed in an infinite God, they even may have assented to Jesus Christ, but their God wasn't a God that was interested and involved. Theirs was a God that set things in motion, then stepped back, leaving this world entirely in our hands, without the slightest finger-lifting of assistance or guidance.

another understanding, or at least, assumption, of the people who lived back in those days, is that everyone worked, or at least, everyone knew what living required. save for the few drunkards and bums, the vast majority of people worked either the agricultural or mercantile end of things. everyone took care of their own house, hand washed everything from their clothes to their floors, took the time to draw a bath, grew and prepared all of their own food, even made their own clothes, for crying out loud. to survive was to have been raised doing all of these things. the idea of not doing them wasn't even within the realm of possibility of their thinking, in the same way, i imagine, as video games weren't ('there will one day be little light boxes in nearly every home [if not room!] of every household all over the this great land, where people can sit back and manipulate little buttons to control the actions of "light-drawings", characters and worlds painted into little not-wood, not-cloth, not-metal discs that can be interchanged to introduce different characters in different worlds doing different things').

if the physical world is a shadow of the spiritual, and the physical world requires so much darn work just for basic, hygienic survival, but those in that day didn't know what it was to not live a life of constant upkeep, then of course it was easy for them to think that God could step back from this world once he set it in motion. but for those of us who have to relearn what was common experience, who have to actually discipline ourselves to take care of our own little worlds in the most basic ways, even with our technological advances, well, we have a gift in our hands. we can rest assured, knowing how much work goes into taking care of our own in this, the shadow of the spiritual, how much work God must be putting into our world, and our lives, working in love (i.e., for the highest good of the beloved) to make this the best of all possible worlds.

so let's run with that.

trust me on this...

2010-05-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

speed reading isn't as corny as it sounds, nor is it far-fetched, impractical or mythical (in the negative connotation of 'myth').

ok, here's the basic idea--your mind is capable of thinking at an average of 100,000 words per minute (wpm), but the average reader reads at around 250 wpm. that's why the mind wanders so easily--it's bored! it's capable of so much more. so if you start to read faster, your brain automatically gets more involved, and is thus able to better comprehend the material.

so how do you actually read faster, and take advantage of the mind's thinking capability? here's a little experiment to demonstrate an important mechanical aspect of reading. you'll need a partner and it will take about 1 minute total (that is, giving both of you a chance to see what's going on).

stand face to face with your partner (4 feet ought to do it) and have your partner trace a circle around your head using just their eyes (that is, simply, look around your head). as they do this, watch what their eyes do. notice the staggered, herky-jerky jumping around the eyes do as they trace an irregular circle. now do this--have your partner draw a circle around your head with their finger as their eyes follow it. observe how fluidly their eyes move (no herky-jerky) and how much more symmetrical the shape is.

what this has to do with reading is simple--as we read, we tend to regress to the start of the sentence we are reading, or the beginning of the paragraph or even the page, sometimes just to reassure ourselves that we read what we read, or sometimes because we have actually completely forgotten what we read.

the other thing we do is fixate on words, again to make sure we are seeing what we are reading. and every pause is time wasted. another issue that comes into play with these fixations is the mind sees in wholes (for example, we don't see the constituent legs, then the seat, then the back, then the arms, and build those together into 'chair,' but we see the chair, then can focus on the individual components of it [we can thank philosopher/psychologist William James for this understanding]). when we fixate we are interrupting the 100,000 wpm stream of thought as a whole, and our brains have to somehow connect THIS... INDIVIDUAL... IDEA (word)... TO... THIS... ONE... AND... SOMEHOW... MAKE... SENSE... OF... EACH... SEPARATE... COMPONENT... HAPHAZARDLY... COMBINED. if we can eliminate fixations, we can use our minds in the way they naturally work, viz., understanding wholes.

the way we combine these two concepts (fluid eye movement and whole-picture understanding) together is remarkably simple. it's called full underlining and it is exactly how it sounds--with your hand flat but relaxed (which one is a matter of preference), run your middle finger directly under the line of text you are reading. when you get near the end of the line, simply raise your hand off the page as much as necessary to bring your hand (and eyes) to the beginning of the next line. the other hand should have the next page-turn prepared before you even get to the last paragraph on the open page (if you're underlining with your right hand, the left hand sits above and around the book, turning the page from the top corner).

when i first started doing this, i would have my finger follow my eyes, which didn't change anything about how i was reading except i now had my hand involved, but i realized the key is to push your eyes slightly faster than they would normally read on their own, i.e., instead of your finger following your eyes, your eyes follow your finger.

after a little bit of practice, i was able to get my reading speed from 279 wpm to around 500, essentially over night (testing your initial speed is vital if you plan on pursuing speed reading at all, so as to be able to track your progress, and it is highly recommended even if you don't pursue it beyond this one technique, just so you can see the difference. the means to test your speed is described at the end of this discourse, and there are plenty of websites that will test you free, as well).

not only does taking advantage of the mechanical aspect of the-eyes-following-the-finger allow for the mind to automatically become more engaged because you're now that much closer to your thinking speed, but the underlining is a constant way to bring your mind back to the task at hand (pun totally intended). we are both physical and mental creatures, so doing something with both aspects of our humanity involved automatically engages us more, i.e., no one is going to sit with their hand swiping down a page for very long not reading. the mind will be drawn back to the text for as long as the hand keeps moving.

another thing to be mindful of is, since you've never read at this increased speed before, and you've spent your whole life regressing and fixating, you'll have to learn to trust yourself. you'll find yourself wanting to regress, 'just to make sure you read what you read.' i'll already tell you--you did. just keep going. also, once you get the basic idea down, spend some time on a book that you don't have to understand right away (in other words, a practice book) alternating between reading this way at a speed that you are comfortable with (and faster than you read with just your eyes alone) and between pushing your hand/eyes so fast that the words are unintelligible, but not blurred out (obviously you're not reading when the words are unintelligible--this is just an exercise to help your eyes get unstuck from the tendency to fixate).

good books to practice on are non-technical, non-fiction books in a subject in which you have an interest but don't have a requirement to fully understand right now. once you get comfortable with it, graduate to both fiction and more technical works.

speaking of fiction, my friend chris had the same reservations about speed reading a fictional work that i did, namely, the fear that you wouldn't be able to really enter into the story, savoring and enjoying it. in fact, it enhances the experience. think of it like this--imagine having the vividness and 'real-time' aspect of a movie, with all of the details and inner-workings (read as, 'beauty') of a book. ah yeah!

one last thought--after you've read through the text once (recommended in one sitting [wholes to parts, remember!]), you're in a better position (due to saved time and having a better general understanding) to go back through and dig into the parts that you had trouble with, or that you know just deserve more attention. i'll give some more thorough explanations on how to work on comprehension some time in the future.

[[the vast majority of this information was obtained freely from www.productivelearn.com (including, copy/pasted, the 'how to compute reading rates' at the bottom), a great website that even includes a 'word per minute'/comprehension test and a demonstration of the full underlining technique. and while this information is practical and powerful (i have personally used it to great effect this last semester, including in my modern philosophy class, and two friends have both used the phrase 'changed my life'), it is just the tip of the iceberg as far as speed reading/comprehension techniques go. just food for thought.]]

How To Compute Reading Rates

When you want to compute your reading rates, it is best to practice in books because it will allow more consistency of words per page. First, look through the book to find what looks like an average or typical page. Then:

1. Count every word on six lines.

2. Divide by six - this gives you the average words per line (wpl).

3. Count the number of lines on the page.

4. Multiple the words per line times the number of lines. Round off the number to the nearest ten. This will give you average words per page (wpp). Remember to adjust your calculations for pages with pictures, diagrams, charts etc.

Then, when you are timing yourself:

Multiply the words per page times number of pages read divided by time (minutes) = wpm (words per minute).

Example: 350 (wpp) X 5 pages = 750 WPM

2 Minutes

I hate gangs

2010-04-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

Skeptical about Skepticism

2010-04-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

Does it Work?

The use of Skepticism as a tool is a prudent decision (or is it?), but Pragmatism's use of 'what works' is a much more viable and productive method in fulfilling the Skeptic's claim to be ever searching for truth.

Mortimer J. Adler, in his classic work How to Read a Book, after laying out the guidelines for effective, in-depth reading, ends the process with critiquing a work. The thing to note is that he states very clearly (on multiple occasions) that one should not pass any judgment whatsoever concerning the author's ideas until the entire book has been devoured and the ideas have been fully understood as the author intended for them to be understood (chapter 10). The concept is, how can you say you agree or disagree with something until you've grasped what that something is? Until the entire work is fully understood and one is able to (Adler would say 'obliged to') state whether one agrees or disagrees, the appropriate thing to do is to suspend judgment (which is also a viable 'critique', after attaining comprehension [chapter 11]). And we have now tapped into the Skeptic’s stance in life.

This permanent marker looks rectangular from one angle and circular from another. So which is it, what is its nature? When I'm sick my food tastes different then when I'm not. What is the nature of the food's taste? Red looks red to me, but what is the nature of 'red'--is it C# to you (Dr. Monast's idea, which is much cooler than saying 'my red or your blue')? None of these questions have a conclusive answer, for the thing judged is dependent on the one doing the judging who can only be a biased judge, that is, as someone within the situation. I can never experience your red, I can't experience something's taste outside of my tasting it when I'm either sick or healthy and I can only ever see the marker from angles within my three-dimensional perspective, with my eyes, in the visible light spectrum.

Concerning intangible things, as an example, an idea that was previously held as corresponding to reality ('the earth is the center of the universe') is now seen to be false; how do we know what we see as having correspondence now will not later? The scale of proof concerning God's existence versus nonexistence is equally balanced--for every point one side makes, the other finds a counter--; can I say God is or isn't real? In Adler's terms, since I don't 'fully understand the idea' of the nature of said things, I am obliged to continue to withhold judgment.

Sextus Empiricus claims to be, as a Skeptic, on the continuing search for truth (Outlines of Pyrrhonism [hereafter OP] 375), and repeats repeatedly (with repetitions) that his interest is the attainment of ataraxia, tranquility of mind, imperturbability of soul (OP 376). His view is that if someone takes a firm stance philosophically, they are bound to fearful running from 'evil' things and desperate clinging on to 'good' things (OP 378). But if it can be shown that we don't actually have the intellectual license to assent (or dissent) to something, that nothing can be said to be inherently 'good' or 'evil', true or false, then we can be at peace with the way things appear to be and what we have (speaking, of course, more broadly then just physical possessions); be at peace with knowing that we don't know (hello, Socrates).

To be skeptical is a wise thing; it would behoove us if we were more skeptical in our lives, not just taking for granted the things we see or are told. Take, for example, the taboo that is the study of philosophy in the Evangelical Christian world. If I had let what I had grown up hearing be my truth, I would not be doing the thing that is most natural for me to be doing. If I had not had an open mind when I came across a more accurate description of philosophy, I would have been letting propagated, uninformed opinions (redundant?) keep me from being me. The Skeptic, though, doesn't just use doubt as a tool. He makes it a way of life.

So how does a Skeptic live this life of epoche, of constant suspension of judgment? We've already demonstrated it--if a thing or idea can be shown to have an equally credible, contradictory thing or idea, then epoche!, both stances are now equally incredible (OP 376). Empiricus unfolds ten ways to find a contradiction, but the long and short of it is to either find a counter-example or show that a thing is only understood within the situation in which it is being evaluated, rendering its objective nature incomprehensible (OP 378-90). Our previous examples will suffice.

All of this sounds very Pragmatic--there is no absolute truth, or at least, if there is, there's no way that we can know we have found it (this statement itself not being absolute [OP 376, cf. William James' Conception of Truth {hereafter CT}]). But upon closer inspection, it can be seen that, while similar, Pragmatism is more effective in stimulating the search for truth, using 'what works,' whereas Skepticism tends to squelch it, more like a quest of doubt resulting in the cessation of intellectual inquiry. The two will be compared and contrasted in light of certain of Pragmatism's categories, or underlying principles.

Before we begin, what does the Pragmatist mean by 'what works'? 'Truth' is what works to satisfy desires (CT). That is a loaded statement that needs a lot of unpacking, which is beyond the scope of this piece, but the summation is if an idea has a practical application for the end which I seek, then that idea is a true one. Let us look at William James's hypothetical example of a man chasing a squirrel around a tree. Both creatures run around the tree in such a way as to never see each other. Does the man run around the squirrel as he runs around the tree? It depends. If you desire the man to have run north, east, south and west of the squirrel, then yes, it works to say he ran around the squirrel. If you desire the man to have run around the head, back, tail and stomach of the squirrel, then no, your desire is not satisfied, for he was always positioned in line with the squirrel’s belly. It doesn't work to say the man ran around the squirrel (What Pragmatism Means [hereafter PM]).

As was previously mentioned, both philosophies hold to the nigh infallibility of fallibilism (we can always be wrong) and, with that, the constant evolution of ideas (I daren't say knowledge), that is, 'truth' has always--and will ever--change (OP 378-9). What we 'know' today is outdated tomorrow, as we've seen in the realm of mathematics, natural science and of technology for the last couple of hundred years, even as recently as yesterday. What we were sure could never happen turns out to be commonplace, or what everyone is so sure to have happened, never actually did (take 'bra burning,' for example [[reference??]]). The difference is in what each philosophy does with both of these concepts. The Pragmatist will use what works while it works, holding on loosely, letting the currently held view of reality be his springboard into better understanding (CT), while the Skeptic, knowing that what he knows isn't really and can't be known, won't use it. He will spend his mental energies finding a way to discredit what is before him, he will catalyze the process of obsolescence without looking for a practical alternative; any alternative theories will be regarded just long enough to be disregarded. He will let appearances, i.e., what he experiences, end deeper inquiry—extinction, versus evolution. We're touching on the idea of radical empiricism, but we will hold off on a full analysis for the time being.

Both philosophies take the social standard into consideration in regards to how they conduct their lives. The Skeptic 'follow[s] a certain rationale that, in accord with appearances, points us towards a life in conformity with the customs of our country and its laws and institutions, and with our own particular pathe' (OP 377, emphasis added). The Pragmatist also binds his view of what works within the confines of the society in which he finds himself, that is, his idea of truth must cohere with what is the entire stock of truth held by the society (PM). Pluralism is at work, and not a relativistic 'I decide on my own what works and what doesn't.' Some instances may help. Neither a Skeptic nor a Pragmatist would, in the United States, walk around town in the nude, for that behavior is outside our culture’s standard of acceptable attire (though, if I understand correctly, a Cynic would have no problem with it). The Pragmatist would go one step further than mere conduct with his pluralism and say, e.g., that the world is not flat because science, mathematics and transportation technology have evolved our stock of truth; we know as a first world, at-least-in-theory educated country, that the world is round (though it can work to say, in limited, practical circumstances that the world is flat and not round—a flexibility that Skepticism doesn’t have [it would make no claim either way]).

While pluralism is important, relativity does have its part to play. William James introduces the Fringe in his Streams of Consciousness (hereafter SC). The Fringe is the sum total of all of one's interconnected experiences, mental and physical. I was raised by my family, with their ideals, in California, and I have learned all the things I've learned and have done or have had happen to me all the things that have occurred in my life. No one else can say they have had all the same experiences and thoughts as me, so no one can see the world exactly as I see it. Because I see the world how I see it, what I desire isn’t necessarily what you desire and, with that, what works for me doesn't necessarily work for you. It doesn't work for me to play video games all day, every day; I would spend my life doing something more intellectually or relationally significant. For the guys at my place of employment playing video games works. Empiricus also takes personal perspective into account when he says, 'But in putting forward these [seemingly, but non-dogmatic] slogans [e.g., "Nothing is true"] he is saying what seems to him to be the case and is reporting his pathos without belief, not firmly maintaining anything concerning what exists externally' (OP 376, emphasis added). The Fringe isn't a term he is used to, but it is an idea I think he would be comfortable with, being he takes into account subjective pathe.

An interesting thing to note is that James says that our experience is determined by what we elect to focus on, that is, we select what to notice of all that is going on around us (SC). E.g., being Roman Catholic, I am more apt to notice the bracelet of saints on the wrist of the clerk at the supermarket then a Buddhist would, for such things are relevant to me, but not necessarily for a Buddhist, even though we are both checked out by the same clerk. Empiricus, on the other hand, speaks of 'passively received phantasia [i.e., appearances]' (OP 377), treating experience as something that simply happens to us.

We can see, then, that our Fringe determines the growth of our Fringe, which can only happen if what composes our experiences are real, that is to say, nothing can't influence us, only something can do that, and for me, the experiences I have had are real, shown by the fact that they've really influenced me. This is where radical empiricism comes into play and where Skepticism and Pragmatism really part ways. Pragmatism holds that if something is experience-able it is real, and if it is real it is experience-able (Radical Empiricism). I might not ever know what this honey's flavor is independent of my own tongue, but there is a sweetness my tongue receives, and I'm interested in finding out what makes this honey sweet, even if just to me. It's real enough to stimulate thought and I will use what I have that works to find out ('there is a living spirit of "sweetness" inhabiting this honey') until what works doesn't cut it anymore (cue 'scientific advancement'), then I will find some other 'truth' that will work (a certain chemical compound reacts to certain receptors on a certain part of my tongue, stimulating a certain part of my brain, registering 'sweetness').

The Skeptic:

Those who claim that the Skeptics deny appearances seem to me not to have heard what we say. For...we do not reject the things that lead us involuntarily to assent in accord with a passively received phantasia, and these are appearances. And when we question whether the external object is such as it appears, we grant that it does appear, and we are not raising a question about the appearance but rather about what is said about the appearance… (OP 377)

He is saying, in a sense, that it works to say that what is experienced appears to be real, but there is no license to make the claim that it is, and it has been shown that he will make every effort, through his modes of epoche, to decimate any postulate concerning reality. He will go with the appearance of the sweetness of honey (OP 377), but since it tastes different to him when he is sick or healthy (OP 380), he won't assent to any idea regarding the nature of honey. I admit that he will use his experience for ‘what works’ to a limited, practical degree—he will eat and enjoy the honey. But any deeper investigation into, e.g., what Aristotle would call a thing’s causes (Physics), isn’t allowed even to get started, let alone flourish. 'Yes, it appears that way, but there's no need to go any deeper than the appearance, for we won't ever be able to know even if we tried.' The search stops. And if all attempts to gain a grasp on reality are undercut before one can get a leg up on understanding the nature of things, before any more-than-day-to-day practical advancement can be made, in an endless cycle of contradiction, what is left for one to do but to simply 'hold to appearances, then,...[and]...live without beliefs...in accord with the ordinary regimen of life [thinking, sensing, eating, following customs and taking up a craft], since we cannot be wholly inactive’ (OP 377, emphasis added, for that word implies the resignation to a life mostly inactive). It is reminiscent of Descartes who, playing the Skeptic, despite the fact that all the world may be maliciously contrived illusion, still got dressed and put logs on the fire, since it appeared necessary if he were to survive long enough to make his inquiry concerning the existence of God and the immortality of the soul, but who also, pragmatically, used what worked so as to progress deeper into said inquiry (Meditations on First Philosophy).

I can hear Empiricus now: 'Be a Skeptic—you'll never give yourself a chance to really live through philosophic and scientific exploration since you'll be spending all of your energy in both contradicting any and every idea that comes your way and in mere physical survival, but you will be able to just get through life without any satisfaction!'

While the Skeptic claims to be on the search for truth, what he is really doing boils down to being contrary toward all declarative and interrogative thought, putting an abrupt halt on all metaphysical and intellectual pursuit. A much more effective approach to epistemology is to do like the Pragmatist--use what works until it doesn't, then evolve.

[[Unrelated topic—I was curious as to whether or not our word ‘empirical’ comes from Sextus Empiricus, for his stance is quite empirical, so I did a little etymological research. It turns out that ‘Empirical derives from the Latin empiricus, which is a transliteration of the Greek empiricos (empirical, experienced; εμπειρικός) from empiria (experience; εμπειρία) from en- (in, with) + pira (experience, trial; πείρα), from the verb pirao (make an attempt, try, test, get experience, endeavour, attack; πειράω)’ (English words of no apparent Greek origin).

So it seems that Empiricus is more a title or description, and not a proper name. The question then remains, did he or his contemporaries dub him such, or was that a description that later, Latin-based students of philosophy eventually coupled to ‘Sextus’?]]

Works Cited

Adler, Mortimer J. Van Doren, Charles. How to read a book: The classic guide to intelligent
reading (1972, 2 ed). New York. Simon & Schuster.

Aristotle. Physics. Translated by R.P. Hardie & P.K. Gaye by permission of Oxford University Press, edited by Louis P. Pojman (1998). Classics of philosophy (2 ed). New York. Oxford University Press.

Descartes, Renee. Meditations on first philosophy. No translator given. 2009. New York.
Classic Books America.

James, William. ‘Conceptions of truth’ edited by Giles Gunn in Pragmatism and other writings.
2000. New York. Penguin Books 2000.

James, William. Essays in radical empiricism and a pluralistic universe. 1967. Gloucester,
MA. Peter Smith Pub Inc.

James, William. ‘Streams of consciousness’ edited by Giles Gunn in Pragmatism and other
writings. 2000. New York. Penguin Books 2000.

James, William. ‘What pragmatism means’ edited by Giles Gunn in Pragmatism and other
writings. 2000. New York. Penguin Books 2000.

English words of no apparent Greek origin. ‘Etymology of empirical-empiric.’  http://ewonago.blogspot.com/2009/02/etymology-of-empirical-empiric.html

Sextus Empiricus. Outlines of pyrrhonism. Translated by Benson Mates (1996) by permission of Oxford University Press, edited by Louis P. Pojman (1998). Classics of philosophy (2 ed). New York. Oxford University Press.

Third Sun Rises

2010-03-18T16:02:00.000-07:00

There is an old giant
who knows no surprises,
sleeps two days
and on the third sun rises

Plateaus were once mountains
that he squashed flat
and the seas are where
he washes his hat

He's so giant, in fact,
that he can't be seen
And it's impossible to explain
what that even means

The Kraken of lore,
we know that's not true
Funny, because that's what
this giant thinks of you

To him our story
has come and will go
Just another tale
in the endless flow

So he sleeps and rises,
he sits and he waits
And he won't be sure why
until it's probably too late

1/2/10

Notre Dammit!

2009-10-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of information behind this, but basically at Notre Dame's most recent graduation ceremonies, when President Obama spoke, a group of Pro-Lifers showed up to peacefully demonstrate in the interest of Life. Apparently 88 of them were arrested for trespassing, while none of the Pro-"Choicers" were.

Basically, this is a petition to the president of Notre Dame (a priest not living up to his calling, apparently), asking him to release the demonstrators. Please sign it.

http://www.tfpstudentaction.net/campaigns/notre-dame-drop-the-charges.html

An Ecumenical Effort

2009-09-25T15:39:00.001-07:00

**This post contains spoilers to the Harry Potter series (particularly the final installment, and the Deathly Hallows). You have been warned**

This is all conjecture. Do with it what you will (except consume it with a grain of salt. That will hardly do anything for the flavor).

So we all know Rowling hails from the Presbyterian background (...right?) and we all know that the old Presbyters developed their theology from John Calvin, the sweetheart of a man who, unlike Martin Luther who sought reform, designed to completely break away from the established (thus, at that time, Catholic) church. Basically there was no love lost between those two groups, Calvinists and Catholics, that is, we are all of course aware of denominational disunity ("Oh, they can't be Christians, they...").

Ok, that's the set up. Let's build.

Severus Snape is forever oscillating in our minds from "good guy" to "bad guy." It's never clear where he stands. "If he's a good guy, which that action makes him out to be, why is he so mean to Harry that Harry can only hate him back, unless that's for his cover... but still, he doesn't have to be such a jerk," versus, "He's such a jerk. He obviously just did that seemingly good thing just to keep his position of double-double agent intact. He's covering his own ass and he's an ass, to boot!"

Then what happens? (This is where the spoilers come in. Stop teasing yourself if you haven't finished the stories yet. This will ruin it for you!!!). When Snape's ("Professor Snape's, Harry") life is forfeit, and he's in his final moments, he gives Harry his memories, which reveal that Snape's perpetual love for Harry's mom, Lily, was the driving force behind Snape's actual working-for-the-good-guys work. We see that, while Snape truly didn't like Harry for Harry's resemblance to his father James, and treated him thusly, Snape was doing all he could to subvert, and surreptitiously help Harry eventually end, Voldemort's reign of terror for love of Harry's mother.

In the epilogue, when Harry's son, Albus Severus Potter, is anxious about which House he will be sorted into ("...not Slytherin..."), Harry tells his son that he's named for two Hogwarts headmasters, one of which is from Slytherin, and "he's the bravest man I've ever known."

When Harry sees the fullness of gravity of the position Snape put himself in--and more importantly, why--he doesn't just say "Oh, cool. Snape was good after all. Sweet." No! His entire perception--thoughts and feelings--change. Snape is now the bravest man Harry knows. He now is filled with such respect and admiration for the man that Harry names his very son after him. Think about it. How could you think or feel anything but all of this for the person who loves your mother so much that he puts himself in the position of physical torture, mutilation and humiliation just for the memory of her, just for her progeny (who he personally hates!).

Rowling's message to the Calvinistic world (and Christian world at large)? How can Catholics, who we see as having perpetrated injustices throughout Church history (to say nothing of the injustices all denominations have perpetrated since the beginning of their own personal histories) and who we think are just off theologically really be as bad as we think they are when they love the Blessed Mother of Our Lord (Luke 1.43,48) as much as they do?

How indeed, Mrs. Rowling? How indeed?

([{And, Chris, Aaron, this isn't the piece I've alluded to. No, that one is far more brilliant and dazzling to look at (if it ever gets finished)}]).

A note of praise

2009-07-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

You allow for me to be who I truly am.

You have proven my worth through Your Incarnation, You have shown Your Love through Your Passion and You have redeemed my life through Your Resurrection.

Our nature is irrevocably united to Yours through Your Divine Person, the Son, the Eternal Word, Jesus the Christ.

Man is blessed in all Creation and every human person--an alloy of the Divine--shines like the sun and deserves every fiber of love the Divine can eek through me.

Lord, pick up my nature once more in Your Personhood and give me the grace to love with all of Us.

Amen+

Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One…

2009-01-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

**This conversation never actually took place**

During the Pope’s recent apostolic visit to the United States, while at a forum in Washington, DC, a Baptist minister stood up to test Benedict XVI.

“What must I do to be saved?”

“What is written in the Bible? How do you read it?”

“Accept Jesus into your heart as your personal Lord and Savior.”

The Pope said in reply, “You have answered correctly. Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to justify himself and asked the Pope, “What does it mean to ‘accept Jesus into your heart’?”

In reply, the Pope said: “There was a poor man, a crackhead, on your streets. He came to the States from South America, because the living conditions back home were no longer viable. You see, a certain corporation moved their coffee bean field outside his village and the chemicals used to catalyze the growing process poisoned the water table underground, rendering all the well water in the region undrinkable.

“He knocked on the door of a church in the first major city he could hitchhike to, thinking to himself, ‘A Christian, and that in the Land of Opportunity, shall understand my plight and give me honest work.’ The man who answered the door, a right-wing evangelical pastor who bled Red-White-and-Blue, turned this man away for he was dirty and could not speak English. After repeated events such as this, the only work the man could find was dealing drugs to others in differing yet similar situations on the same harsh street.

“A representative from ACLU, doing an investigation on the poor living conditions of the residential motels in this man’s area, took pity on this man and fought to make sure this man, and those like him, had honest work and decent housing, despite his past, his economic status and his ability to speak the local language. This representative also connected with Green Peace to fight the unjust practices of the corporation who made this man’s homeland unlivable to begin with.

“Tell me, which do you think was the one who accepted Jesus into his heart?”

The minister replied, “The one who lived out John 13.35: ‘…you are my disciples if you love one another.’”

The Pope told him, “Go, and do likewise.”

**Note: As Jesus didn’t think priests and Levites were inherently bad (being He is the one Who founded their roles), so too this is not a blanket statement concerning right wing, patriotic evangelicals. The point (concerning this specific aspect of this piece) is that we need to make a distinction between cultural Christianity and real Christianity.**

Cloud Ripper

2008-11-26T13:20:00.000-08:00

It wasn’t quite 5 and I was awoken by the alarm on Erik’s watch.

“How’d you sleep?” I eeked out.

“Ughh, I’m beginning to hate that question. Not very well. The wind was blowing dirt in my face all night.”

“Yeah, these little tents are awful.”

We placed and turned on our headlamps so we could put on as much of our gear inside the sorry-excuse-for-a-tent as we could before being forced into the cold of the early morning wilderness. I wasn’t too worried about it, though. My mind was captivated by the plan of the day. “This is going to be awesome.”

We crawled out from under the tarp held up by one little pole and tied down by 4 little stakes and saw our comrades doing the same. Off to my left, Zach was climbing out of his sleeping bag. “That guy has no interest in tents. Man, that’s hardcore.”

“Everyone ready? We’re gonna eat on the trail, so put your foodbars where you can reach ‘em,” said Jordan, our fearless leader for the day, as he was handing out our breakfast. A surge of nervous energy coursed through, if not the team, at least me. This was the first time I’d ever really been out in the wilderness, let alone would climb an actual mountain. Ah yeah.

That early in the morning, the only noise we heard was the rustling of synthetic pants and the stomping of heavy boots. I found myself colder than I had expected 20 minutes in, so when we stopped at a fork in the trail, I took the opportunity to put on the head-wrap I picked up in Jordan. I was probably the only ninja to have taken that trail in some time.

Jordan: “I think it’s this way.”

Fifteen minutes later, “No, it was the other way.” So back we went.

After twisting and curving and climbing and descending (but mostly climbing), we came out in a valley surrounded by mountain peaks. We had turned off our headlamps some time ago and with the position of the sun we could see all around. It was probably the most beautiful open field I had ever seen. We were walking alongside a little brook, there was tall brown grass covering the landscape, along the bed of the brook there were green bushes and around the perimeter of the valley were beautiful large, green trees. It was a good time to take a break and refill our water supply.

“How’s everybody doing?” Jordan asked just before we were to hit the trail again. “That’s our goal over there—Cloud Ripper.” He was pointing at one of the many peaks surrounding us. It wasn’t quite the farthest, but it was definitely the tallest.

Now that we were all wide-awake and back in the groove of trekking, you could hear us a mile away. This trek was a part of our “Intro Trip,” in the first week of our Wild DTS (that is, Discipleship Training School). We were still getting to know each other. Erik, who wound up being my best friend in the school, was from Tennessee, just outside of Nashville. I took to calling him a hippy, although he was really only “Granola.”

The more we walked, the less easily discernable path we had. We came upon mostly rocky ground, with some trees interspersed here and there. Our guide now was simply a path of karyns, little piles of rocks stacked on top of each other, marking out the trail.

We stopped at the base of a mountain made up entirely of, so it seemed, jagged, grey rocks varying in size from 1 foot across to the size of a very large man. “We’re at a saddle, which is the lowest point between two mountain peaks. If we were trying to cross the mountain, this is where we’d do it. We’re going to climb to the top of the saddle then walk along it to get to our peak. We’re going to climb making switch-backs (instead of climbing straight up against the steep grade of the mountain, we make wide zig-zags up the slope). And watch your fall line. Don’t climb directly under someone above you and make sure you aren’t climbing with someone in-line under you. These rocks are very loose and very dangerous. If you happen to kick one loose, yell ‘Rock!’ to let those below you know. We’ll take another break once we’re up the saddle.”

Off we went. Now, I’m pretty good about taking the advice of people who know what they’re talking about. I usually do, just not always. This was definitely one of the “not always” times. After zigging and zagging for a bit, feeling like I was going nowhere, and the appearance of our goal seeming, from my angle, not too far off, I decided to go for it. I threw myself up the slope, clambering for the top of the saddle. It took less than 7 minutes for me to resort to switching back again. Man, that bolt wore me out. I even had to take off my ninja head wrap.

I can’t tell you how much time it took for us to make it to the top of the saddle, but it definitely took some! As we were climbing, we all looked around, checking each other’s progress, yelling out encouragements as needed and calling out warning due to falling rocks. We slowly made it, one by one, and took a much-needed rest. Despite our weariness, our excitement only grew after the victory of this first leg. And I’ll tell you what, for as cold as it was making our way to the mountain, it was nothing compared to the chill and wind of being on that saddle. The wind was blowing so strongly that, when we jumped straight up, we would land a couple feet back from where we started. It was a little scary being on the top of a steep, rocky slope with powerful wind wanting to blow us back down. And that’s exactly why I was loving it. Well, the danger and the magnificent view. The field in the valley on the side we came up looked so beautiful, with the brook running through it, splitting here and there, coming back together; the giant white and grey rocks strewn about; the patches of green trees. The other side’s view was of grey rocks and brown dirt and 3 or 4 giant blue lakes. The land stretched for miles, as did the mountain range. We could even see trails on the distant mountains.

We took some pictures, I grabbed a rock for my mom (I still haven’t given it to her), I put my Jordanian ninja-wrap back on and off we went. The terrain didn’t change much as we walked across the spine of this mountain, ever nearer its peak. It just got steeper. And steeper.

As we snaked along from peak to peak, on the very ridge of the mountain, I became quite familiar with a mountaineering term that you may not have heard. Do you know what a “false peak” is? A false peak, or false summit, is, while looking up the mountain while hiking, you can’t see any mountain above and beyond a certain peak. You think that the peak you are now climbing towards is the highest point of the mountain, that this is your goal. Well… you’re wrong. Once you painstakingly make it to that point, you see beyond it much more mountain to go. So you go. And you get duped time and time again. I got to the point of not caring. “Whatever. I’m not going to get excited anymore! I’ll climb till I’m done climbing!” So I did. False peak, wrong peak, whatever. Keep moving!

At one point, there was a giant patch of what was once snow, but was now ice in the guise of snow, on the north side of the peak. Because it was out of the sun, it never thoroughly melted. It would just melt enough to be re-frozen during the night, making it densely packed ice. We still tried to scrape it into balls and pelt each other. A couple of us guys even wrote our names, *a-hem*.

Upward and onward we climbed. We came to a small collection of peaks, each within 100 or so feet of each other. We took a second to gauge which was the highest, then found it! The peak of Cloud Ripper! Just over to the west, not 200 feet away! We all made a mad scramble to the peak, throwing caution to the wind! (Not really, we were always very safe). We had newfound energy with the exhilaration coursing through our veins.

At long last, at the very least 4 hours since we left camp, we did it! We stood in triumph! We had bagged the mountain! All 13,501 feet of Cloud Ripper was now under my belt. I had climbed my first mountain!

I even made a point to sit (I dare not stand!) on the pinnacle of the pinnacle! There was also a journal in a watertight container lodged in the rocks at the top. We each joined the list of names of all the people who had come before us. I left a little note, too. I don’t remember exactly what it said, but something about the goodness, glory and beauty of God.

This was the first week I had ever gone backpacking in my life. It was the first time I had done any real physical exertion since junior high. I had smoked my last cigarette only days before this trek. It had only been 7 months since I came back to God, giving up my intentional, out-right rebellion and smoking crystal meth. Despite all of that, God Himself gave me the grace to kick my own ass and know Him, love Him, follow Him, learn from Him and enjoy Him at the peak of this mountain, in the middle of the Eastern Sierra Nevada Mountain Range.

The view before, back on the saddle, was nothing compared to the view atop Cloud Ripper. We could see miles and miles of mountaintops stretching all around us. We could see lake after lake peppering the landscape. And, in the style of our mountain’s namesake, we were enveloped by clouds all around us. I wanted to grab one like Jasmine, in Aladdin, but alas, they weren’t that close. God is beautiful and God is strong. If ever you have doubts, just look at His creation. It’s a reflection of Him, so we can know and love Him better.

After some more pictures, we descended less than 50 feet, so as to get out of the harsh wind, ate an energy packed snack and began our long journey back to camp.

Homeless Jim

2008-06-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, so he wasn't actually homeless. But I christened him Homeless Jim shortly after meeting him (although, I don't think he ever knew that that's what I called him).

You all know him (if you've spent any time at Borders whatsoever). He was the 64 year old man with straggly grey hair and a big, bushy beard (usually... sometimes he kept it trim). He was the gentleman in the dirty jacket with all of the plastic bags who had the same routine every morning (at least when I worked at Borders).

He would come in just as the store was opening (sometimes he'd be off to the side smoking a cigarette, if he happened to arrive early). Whether he was out front or was walking in as I was getting the cafe ready for the day, it was always the same.

"Hey, man. How's it going?"
"Aay, all right."
"Anything new?"
"*gruffy*NAAAH, nothing. ...Oh, did you hear about [this thing in the news]?"
"No, what's up?"
"Oh, these sh*theads in Sacramento... I mean, my God, could they be any more brain dead?"
"Man, that's crazy."
"Yeah. ...So you gonna do any work today?"
"Don't count on it."
"*gruffy*YEAH, figures!"
"All right, I'll be talkin' to ya."
"Yeah."

He'd get his coffee (and sometimes a bagel, depending on how generous other customers had been that week, or how lucky he was to find some cash or a gift card), grab a couple different newspapers, sit at the same table he always sat at and read.

Sometimes we'd get to talking about different restaurants in California or he'd tell me his recipe for a mean lasagna ("Now a good lasagna takes 2 days to make...") or we'd just shoot the breeze, talking about nothing.

He made sure that I knew every group of people that came in to Borders that he didn't like, from the "gimps" to the "fags." I'd always say, "hey, come on, man. they're people, they're cool." He always made sure I knew, but he never pushed it. And believe it or not, before I quit working there, there was even a mentally challenged, regular customer that Jim bought a coffee for! Can you believe that? Bitter old man with a soft heart!

Jim was probably my favorite reason for coming in to Borders. I loved to harass him (but only as payback!). He'd be sitting in his other regular chair (after reading the papers and having a smoke, he'd come in to the ring of cushy chairs, sit at the same one, every day, and read books on World War II, the weapons, technology and vehicles used during said war, books about old time actors and singers, magazines on cars and, more often than not, he'd be reading good, ol'-fashioned comic books [even the newer ones]) and I'd sneak up behind him and put a magnetic strip on his shoulder, so when he'd go outside for his next cigarette, he'd set off the alarm. I was always quick to let every one know what was going on so he wouldn't get in any real trouble.

Other times I would sneak up behind him (always with the sneaking!) and try to surreptitiously snatch his plastic bags that contained all of his belongings. Sometimes I'd pull it off, other times I wouldn't. Either way, it was always fun (even if he acted angry). The coolest part about that was getting the other customers involved. They would be sitting around us, as well, and we'd catch eyes as I was grabbing the stash, then they'd look at Jim, look at me with a wry grin, look down at their book, peak over at Jim. Whether I'd get busted or not, we'd all share a laugh, or at least a smile. Ah, the community at Borders.

I was constantly in effort to earn gold stars from Jim. There was a Harry Potter book release event and countless little plastic, gold stars were strewn all about the store. If ever I did something that met his approval (which was rare [but not really]), he'd give me a star. If I did something he didn't like, he threatened to take them away and give them to Molly, a co-worker of mine. I acted like I wouldn't care if he took them away, hoping that maybe, that way, he wouldn't.

Jim was always there to share a laugh, a joke, a recipe ("...then you just add salt to taste"), directions to this awesome, hole-in-the-wall restaurant in Timbucktoo, just off the coast, or to threaten me or ask my wife (well, my soon-to-be at the time) if she needed him to beat me up.

For being a crotchity, old man, he had a lot of friends. There were us, of course, then there were my friends, Aaron, Jimmy and Chris, who I introduced him to, then there were all of the other regular customers who had gotten to know Jim over the years, sitting at Borders. There were Barb and Charlie, Orthodox Mike, there was Ron, the other old guy who would come and play pinochle with him. There were countless other customers who would buy him a drink or a bagel, bring him a Christmas gift or a birthday card (November 7th) or just hang out with him for a little while. Even an old Borders employee, David, would come and smoke with him, always leaving a handful of cigarettes in Jim's pocket before taking off.

I'll tell you one thing, though. Jim didn't always just take. He gave me himself in friendship. He let me in on aspects of his life that I'm sure he didn't share with just anybody. He loved me and my wife and our friends, even if he didn't always know how. One time, around Christmas, after finding $100 in the street, he even took my wife and me out to lunch. I'll never forget the cashier's face at Boston Market when, after ordering all of this food and expecting the money to come from my wallet, it came from this homeless guy's. Big, selfless jerk.

So I got a call last night, about 9 o'clock. It was from Barbara, the regular from Borders. She wanted me to know that, since she knew Jim and I were friends, Jim was in the hospital. He had an infection in his blood, as well as heart, kidney and lung problems. Even though they knew of no family, the nurses were going to let anyone see him who wanted to see him.

Here's the craziness of that. Barbara saw us with him Wednesday night (which is what made her think of us last night) because we, last minute decision, went to Borders to hang out with another friend of ours. After taking him to the hospital, she talked to an old manager at Borders, Neal, to get my home number. Completely illegal, but totally awesome: he gave it to her. She called the house, talked to my parents, who just so happened to be home, and they gave her my cell phone number. We talked to Barb and got down there around 9.45. By the grace of God, 2 sets of people cleared us to go see him. All of these intricate details worked out so precisely so we could see him in his final hours. God loves us. He loves all of us.

So we got to talk to him. He had tubes and pipes poking in every-which-where as well as tape holding the breathing tube coming from his mouth in place. He wasn't able to talk, but he could understand us. The entire time, his eyes had tears wanting to burst forth.

Rhiannon and I told him we were with him. I made a few stupid, awkward jokes ("So, can I have your Batman hat now?"), but otherwise didn't know what else to say. We made sure he knew, if not before, then now, for certain, no question about it, that we love him. He tapped his nose. As clearly as I could, feeling stupid and embarrassed and afraid I would be harassing a dying man, that, anything and everything he saw in my life that was good or beautiful or loving, especially in our relationship, that all of that is the love Jesus has for me spilling on to him. Somewhere in all of my blabbering, he tapped his nose. "There's probably a lot of stuff in your life that you feel dumb about. It's all good, man. All you need to do is let Jesus love you." (I pray that I was that clear in our actual conversation.)

He was fighting his breathing machine and he kept bending his arm that had the IV hooked up to it (blocking the flow). The whole time, different nurses and attendants kept walking in and out. I could tell he was scared. I held his hand for a good, long time. The first time I tried to caress his head, he turned away.

The whole time Rhiannon, who was in an extreme amount of pain herself, but still opted to see Jim instead of going home to take medicine, was right with me. She told Jim she loved him and was by my side, caressing my back the entire time. She stepped out, for just a minute and at my request, to call Chris and update him on all of the goings-on. When she came back in, I was at Jim's other side, holding that hand, so he'd keep his IV arm straight (ornery old man).

Finally, Jim looked me in the eye. He did more than look. He locked. We barely broke eye contact for 10 minutes. And this time, when i caressed his head, he didn't turn away. I don't understand "eyespeak," but I'm sure he was thanking us for coming and who knows what else. His sad, blue, tear-filled eyes. I pray that he let himself see the love of Jesus.

I started to tell him about how Rhiannon and I met. I gave him a little personal history, touched on all of my sordid affairs, and was about to get in to actually meeting Rhiannon, when the nurse came in and said it was time to go. She needed to give him a bath. I kissed his hand and told him I'd come back later to finish the story.

We left right when our friends arrived. Chris, Jimmy and Aaron showed up to the hospital to show Jim they were with him and that they loved him, too. They weren't allowed up, but I pray he was told they came.

I set my alarm for 2 in the morning, so I could call and check up on him. My alarm went off and I went straight back to sleep.

I called at 7.30, when I actually got up, to discover that he had died at about 3, just an hour after I would have called him. Naturally, I felt like an idiot for not coming through for him, in his final moments.

The cry of our hearts (ALL of our hearts, Rhiannon's and the guys') was that he wouldn't die alone, that someone (physical, spiritual or Divine) would be with him in his final moments. Rhiannon and I cried out our sorrow that this is a world where people have to die alone. We all prayed that Jesus would be with him and that he would receive the God Who loves him. I was angry with myself because I wasn't an answer to my own prayer, so I could get 10 seconds extra sleep.

The guys told me that, so the story goes, while no one wants to be alone when they die, they are truly, really comforted in knowing that they're not alone in the general sense, in the "people care about me even if they're not standing next to me as I pass" sense. In fact, most people wait to die until the people that are with them leave the room.

It was an honor knowing Homeless Jim. I had a great time being in his life and loved that he was in mine. It humbles me that I, some punk who loves Jesus, could bring him peace, joy and comfort, most especially in his final hours, just by loving him as imperfectly as I can, in the style of Jesus, Who loves us so perfectly.

The coroner's office have found a surviving child (adult) in Hollister. We've yet to see how that has turned out. There is a memorial service in the works, hopefully at Borders, and there's talk of a collection for donation to the Gospel Mission in his name.

Walter James "Homeless Jim" Worsham (had no idea, did ya? Walter?!), may the peace of Christ be with you and may our Lord welcome you into His Kingdom. Amen.

The nurse I talked to this morning, based on all of the people who came to see him in his short time in the hospital (8, by my count), after telling me that he passed said, "He must have been a sweet, old man."

"Yeah."

I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth.

long time, no see

2008-05-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

yeah, yeah. i know. but here i am.

so things are going really well. we're having fun being married, learning to hash out everything that comes our way and growing more and more in love by the day. you cant beat that!

ywam is going well. rhiannon has been working on a couple of paintings that she is just about finished with. once she's done we'll get them online.

we're now spending time (or at least wanting to, being so busy!) studying and learning more about the Kingdom of God on Earth through all of its different Traditions and expressions. we have a beautiful, rich and diverse History.

and of course, we're in the process of making our own. be Free to love and serve the Lord... and each other.

OUCH!

2007-10-24T22:45:00.001-07:00

this just struck me...

back in the day, baptism was only for Gentile, pagan converts into Judaism and THAT is why (at least in part) Jesus had to be baptized to fulfill all things. He came to abolish the division between Jews (God's people) and Gentiles (those outside of real relationship with God). In fulfilling all of the Law, He had to cover the bases for those who needed to enter into the Law in the first place.

just one more layer of understanding. Jesus rocks.

oh, glorious day!

2007-10-02T14:27:00.001-07:00

yeah. i'm engaged. deal with it. just kidding.

so rhiannon and i are officially french, and by that, i mean we are fiancesesz. we're engaged. yeah yeah.

there we go.

that's right...!

2007-09-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

so here i am, being welcomed into the Catholic church. that's what i'm talking about! have a good morning, everyone. i know i will!

no point in reposting...

2007-09-21T10:35:00.001-07:00

so i'll just direct you to our ywam modesto team blog and you can read the glorious glory for yourself.

http://ywammodesto.blogspot.com/

yep

2007-09-08T22:48:00.000-07:00

so in Christ, i'm free. more free than i give Christ credit. in Christ, i can be who i am made to be, which flows into doing what i'm made to do. no guilt, no questions. so who am i and what am i made to do?

wow, you didnt make it easy on me for this one, did'ja?

i am a son of God; i have the right, the power, the authority, to become a child of God. Christ emptied Himself to the point of being a speck of a man; i empty myself to be Divine. crazy.

even now, i am a Warrior Priest. Christ was/is, so why not me? i am to fight for the world around me to usher them into the Presence of God-- tough-loving reconciliation.

i am a word, a syllable, within the Eternal Word Who resonates through the infinite expanse of space/time. i am a bearer of, a witness to and a protector for the Truth. i am a light of truth that dispels the darkness, depravity and death of Deceit (say that 29 times fast).

ok, so what does all that look like. what do i "do"?

i live virtuously. i am the edible fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. mmmm, and i'm delectable.

i'm to stand up for Truth and Justice. i need to speak into people's lives (as relationship allows, but not always). "hey, good job." "dont do that!" "are you thinking clearly on this?"

i'm supposed to write. what? writing is a part of my ministry and service to God and Our People? sure! God gave me the gift of ability and joy of writing. use it for His Glory. so taking a class on writing to develop the skill is a part of that, too! pretty sweet.

along with writing comes reading and studying-- put plainly, learning. i love learning. that's my first passion. teaching is my second. but i love learning! so learn for the sake of the Kingdom!

prayer. i am to pray. i am to spend time in the Presence of Our Father. hey, Christ died so i could, so i better! it's humbling, and God knows i need to be humbled.

along with learning and praying, there's getting into the Word. Written, Oral and Magisterial. that's where Christ is. and to know God through Jesus is Eternal Life. so yeah.

that's a little about me.

officially official

2007-09-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

you heard it first here, folks. i'm officially official YWAM. the proof is in the pudding.... or, more accurately, on the YWAM Modesto website. check out my page on http://www.ywammodesto.org and click on John's page (on the left-hand side). ah yeah!

why, oh why

2007-08-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

how is it that we ever let ourselves go without a real Sabbath's rest? God knew what He was doing when He required us to chill out from time to time. silence and solitude mixed in with a li'l R&R. that's what i'm talking about!

in case you arent aware, i just got back from a few days at a monastery, the Abbey of New Clairvaux, up in Vina, past Chico. beautiful landscape, beautiful atmosphere, beautiful time. *hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* (sigh of true relief).

so who's ready for more of life, heh?

see it

2007-07-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

i just want everyone to know that jet li's "fearless" is a really, really, REALLY good movie.

well, hey, that's GREAT!

2007-07-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

the Gospel! the Good News!

what's so new about having an afterlife of bliss and happiness? isnt that what every religion, to one degree or another, claims to give folks? so what's the big deal with Christianity? why did Christ, God, Who knew what all these other religions had to say, come down here just to tell us about a glorious afterlife?

"Here's the Good News, folks! straight from God Himself! here it is: there's an afterlife and you only got to believe in me to get there! great, huh?! yeah! oh sure, the other guys have an afterlife, too, but theirs isnt real. mine is the real afterlife, complete with worshiping me for the rest of eternity! woo!"

i'd call that "Decent Old-Hat Story."

the Good News is that we can live, now, the Way we were intended to-- in Real, Right Relationship with each other and God. we've been given the right and the authority to know God (eternal life, John17.3) and to live like Him, as Him, NOW. not later, not after, but fully, completely NOW. here. now. henow.

we can bring this "afterlife" this "Paradise" to the present moment in this present space. we can turn this unreality into Reality. it's our right and our privilege. Pure Truth, Fully Alive. US! it's good, it's new, it's Good News!

who else is talking about redeeming the physical world and taking care of it? who else is talking about justice for the weak, hurt and oppressed? who else is more concerned with the person over there that we dont know and might even be afraid of than he is for himself? who else is willing to leave "brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers and fields" and self for the sake of ushering every person, creature and aspect of space/time into the Presence of God? who else but Jesus Christ and those whom He indwells?

"EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! CHRISTIANITY-- NOT YOUR SAME OLD SHIT!"

"is that one of those pyramid schemes?"

2007-07-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

yep. it sure is. it's called "the world." i'm sure you're well acquainted.

so we want political change. we want the world to be a better place. we want the leaders to pass laws that protect human rights, out-law abortion and make people happy! riiiiiiiiiight.

that's the way of the world. effecting change from the top down.

i'm not saying don't be political, dont vote (if you like wasting your time, vote. but that's another topic for another time), dont write your congressman. sure, do all that.

but we are not of the world, are we?

God's ways are always a bit (read as, completely) bass-ackwards from the worlds'.

so what does God's way, the Way of Truth towards Life, the Way of the Kingdom of God, look like? it starts from the ground up.

no law can change hearts. hell, if God's Law couldnt do it (read the Epistles) then ours sure as H aint gonna do it. there's only one thing that changes the heart of man and only one way to do it. if you want a man's, a nation's, heart to change, to see and appreciate and fight for life, it's gotta be done by the Holy Spirit and He can only work through Right Relationships.

no matter what the law is, someone wont have an abortion if they see a baby inside. no matter what the government tells us about one "non-human" or another, we wont kill and rape and pillage and bomb if we see them as fellow human beings that Christ died for. no matter what college does or doesnt tell you about ethical business practices, we wont screw people over or buy from corporations that ruin lives, if we respect life.

that can only come by the Holy Spirit's conviction and teaching in a person's heart through RIGHT, REAL RELATIONSHIP.

we gotta work from the bottom up. we got to love the people around us. we got to act with integrity, deal honestly, work hard, do justly, love mercy, fight for innocence, speak truth and share life. if we do that, the Life and Kingdom and Kingship of Christ will spread like WildFire through this dark land (no, not just the United States, but thanks for having my back on that one!).

then, no matter what the (or any) government tells us is not ok, we will still do. life, and that purchased by Christ, cannot be stopped. the government will have no power to get us to perpetrate evil as long as we commit ourselves to doing good.

that's freedom, that's peace.

that's the kind of sound pyramidal structure i'd like to be a part of. (what kind of a sentence was that?).

ok, so...

2007-07-26T20:38:00.000-07:00

i have 2 blogs that are in "draft" mode right now and a bunch of other things that are "works in progress" on my computer, so i feel a little guilty about this, but i decided i'd still get this out there.

so, without further ado...

5 ADVANTAGES OF BEING HOMELESS!!! YEA!

1. you'll never have to worry about putting your in-laws up after a surprise visit!

2. no telemarketers can hassle you about reducing your monthly mortgage payments.

3. neighbor kids wont be hitting baseballs through your window any time soon (you might want to wear a helmet, though).

4. no more jury-duty, anyone?!

5. it's a great way to meet homeless chicks.

in the style of best/worst/top list things, i made sure these were especially terrible. aaron, you can hit me later.

not your typical rebellYAWN

2007-07-22T16:43:00.000-07:00

That which is lying
deep within
is crying out
to be free from sin

God's Image inside
has been reborn;
from Death your soul
is completely torn

The Real Revolution
is in what we do;
Rebel against what's
killing you

S... O...

2007-07-02T23:34:00.000-07:00

N of God! Woo!

so as a man, i share in the Fatherhood of God. it is my responsibility and my honor to take ownership and care of the world around me-- to protect innocence, fight for justice, teach truth and share life.

i share in the Fatherhood of Christ Who does as He sees His Father do.

i am the bridgebuilder, the bushwhacker, the reconciler, the priest for Creation and creatures, man, woman and child, for enemy and oppressed, friends and family back into Reality, Eternal Life-- back to right relationship with Our Father through Jesus Christ of Nazareth by the Power of the Holy Spirit with the "Great Cloud of Witnesses"-- Our Blessed Mother (we have to be "born" of the Spirit somehow, right?) and all the Saints together with all the Angels as fellow servants and worshipers of God. ah yeah.

so.... who's your daddy!

True Freedom

2007-07-02T11:40:00.000-07:00

is unadulterated, selfless mercy through humble, faithful obedience to our Father.

chew on that for a bit

"AAAH, i'm melting!"

2007-06-23T11:48:00.001-07:00

*best read while listening to Aqua's "Barbie Girl"*

"I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world..."

marvel at our plastic world!

hardly do we interact with real earth anymore. our cities and streets, our stores and our homes are all laying on our concrete world, "above" the lowly, dirty earth.

even our yards are plastic. sure, there's trees and grass and flowers and we have to do the occasional weeding, but everything is just so well manicured that it cant be called natural. we dont even let nature takes its course with our yards. we pay for these tiny little seeds all over our yard, water them, give them plastic to drink (lawn-juice) then dont even let them grow. every other week or so someone is payed to *VROOM-snip-snip.*

the leaves and branches that fall onto our lawns are gathered up and we pay someone to take them away, only to turn around and pay someone else to give us dead and chopped up leaves and branches called "mulch." what a funny world we live in.

our water's plastic. i dont just mean our bottled water, but our re-processed city water, too.

all of our food is plastic. most everything we eat comes in little cardboard and plastic packages, for our "convenience." what isnt plastic on the outside is plastic on the inside (well, even most plastic-packaged stuff is synthetic "food"). our vegetables, our fruits, our dairy and our meat are all genetically and chemically altered and assembly line delivered. that's pretty gross.

that's not even mentioning (until now, that is) our packaged plastic food for the person perpetually on the fast-paced plan (fast food)!

our bodies are plastic. *robot voice* i must take a shower every day! germs are bad! must smell good. nothing natural! new clothes and new clothes (even if they're bought to look old)! oh, is that hair dye? no, i'm doing something new and edgy and am going with my natural color! but of course, i must still put on my face, because the one i have isnt good enough, colorful enough, glittery enough, old enough (you pre-teens, you!) or young enough (*streeeeeeetch, staple, snip* i'm beautiful!).

this is what gets me, more than anything. even our mental states are "plastic"! feeling down? oh, that's bad, it's your right to be "happy"! take a plastic pill. can't sleep? take this plastic pill and never sleep naturally again! feeling sleepy? take this plastic drink!

of course that leads perfectly into a plastic spirituality. to be saved, pray a prayer. to be ok in life, go to church once a week. to be happy, read your Bible daily. whew, and that's too hard for most people. not feeling happy? pray for more! more what, you may ask? it doesnt really matter, does it, as long as it's more, right? God doesnt want us to have to suffer! Christ took all of our sufferings! so now i'll go about my day-to-day, worldly business and try to attain as much as i can in this life, be nice as often as i think about it (but not if i dont feel like it) and wait to be vanished out of here, away from the struggles of not being happy (which is all of our rights as Christians, but even more as free Americans. dang, i really try to hold back my sarcasm, i... it just... whatever).

[as a side note, praying recited prayers while contemplating on and drawing closer to Jesus through them is way too fake, plastic and ritualistic for any real Christian to even consider. to shame! hmm, now that i think about it, every religion in every culture since the beginning of time (both God's religion Judaism and Satan's religions All the Others) have all been "ritualistic." i wonder if there's any correlation to the mind-body-spirit connection, God's wisdom, Satan's mockery and ritual in religion? Nah, can't be. Jesus threw out ALL tradition and ritual when he threw out man-made traditions (i am curious, though, what godly Traditions were kept intact when all the others were thrown out with that statement? Any Protestants care to answer?).]

our happiness, that which we so earnestly strive after, is, of course, plastic. buy this to feel "happy." get that job and feel "good." not feeling good enough, yet? run away from life to a sports team, a new experience, alcohol, drugs, parties and sex! that'll do it! here's a good idea, be so utterly wrapped up in the plastic lives of celebrities and do what they do! be scandalous! spend frivolously, dont care about other people! hey, the 12" plastic dolls do it, why cant we standard 4 inch ones? oh, and care more about the celebrities lives and relationships then you do your own. that's the key to being plastic!

you can be my friend if you fit within these plastic parameters (the ones i fit in, of course). we will never talk about anything real, we'll just have plastic conversations about our plastic exteriors and use a magnifying glass to melt other plastic peoples' exteriors that dont match up to ours. whew, it's not easy being plastic. there's a lot of insignificant things to worry about!

"...Life in plastic, it's fantastic!"

YES!

2007-06-19T17:05:00.000-07:00

despite all my cynicism.... PEOPLE CARE!!! i dont know if you've ever seen the Invisible Children movie. wow. it's hardcore. it's about children who are orphaned and/or forced to runaway so that they wont be KIDNAPPED and FORCED to kill for one warlord or another in Uganda, Africa. man, it gets to me just remembering it. anyway, at the encouragement of a friend (thanks, Rhiannon) i went to invisiblechildren.com and there's a video showing 20-something people--it doesnt even have clips from the movie--going out for a tour for awareness.

seeing people actually RALLYING for JUSTICE really freakin excites me. i got all teary-eyed passionate just watching these "young adults" (what a bullshit term that's used to keep those of us in our prime down) jump around (the music sure helped incite emotion, too). thank God for people.

anyway, check out this specific video i'm talking about and others at http://www.invisiblechildren.com/theMovie/media/index.php?mediaID=1003816137

pearl

2007-06-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

Grace is the participation of the very Presence of God

Mother Angelica

right now i am given the grace (and thereby, the faith and strength) to love and honor God and to just be His friend-- to be with Him. thank You for that, Lord

(in case you dont notice, i fixed the quote to be verbatim)

i hear another rap coming on....

2007-06-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

this endless search is taking its toll
another drop of poison to kill my soul
this search is raging outta control
try another hollow thing to fill this hole

the real me is lying dead inside
hidden very well by this zombie's pride
why cant that be thing that's died?
cant hear me over the deadman's chide

i just gotta turn back to the Source
see my Savior comin' on His White Horse
live by His Strength He'll endorse
make that deadman ruin his drawers!

so when i feel the need to run
just remember that i'm God's son
He loves me 'til the Day is done
by His Life my victory's won!

all i can do

2007-05-29T20:50:00.001-07:00

i'll never know myself enough and i can never know my heart. God does. do what i need to do, as i feel led, as i know is right, and give it to God. "i dont know my heart, but whatever it is, i give this to You, so regardless of my ulterior motives and intentions, You are still glorified."

social justice, go!

2007-05-29T20:47:00.000-07:00

if we just sit around a table, drinking our sophisticated coffee, discussing the world's complex social issues, while being extra sophisticated (because we're college students and all [a junior college still counts, right?]), then we're effecting a change and making a difference in the world, right? ...Right?

isolation

2007-05-26T22:45:00.000-07:00

i went all day today without a single human interaction. oh sure, i saw and talked with people, but i was always the funny, sarcastic, flirty guy or i was the drink order/maker guy or i was the salesman or i was the employee and i only talked to the boss, the customer, the friendly customer, the "girls i work with." see, no human to human interaction. just one facade or "mode" briefly engaging another out of desire or circumstance. wow, a whole day and i didnt see anyone and no one saw me. hell, i didnt even see me.

and that's exactly what is required of us these days. nothing. i can turn on employee mode, do what needs to get done, drive to the atm, get my "hard earned" money, go to the mcdonald's drive thru, order to a voice, exchange money with a money changer, get my food from food giver, go "home" and be entertained by tv personalities.

often times we make it easier on ourselves as well by putting a mode on someone, no matter how real they're trying to be. we only have to interact with our projection of someone and save ourselves the trouble of caring about them and their situation and life.

so forget about being considerate or loving. if i'm not me and i dont see anyone for who they are then what's to care about? "i wont put back the magazine i was looking it, someone else will," "oh, my mom will clean my room for me," "why clear my plate, someone gets paid to," "i'm a paying customer, so my drink has to be ready NOW, even though i'm going to be hanging out in the store for another hour and half," "why doesnt that bum just get a job-- he's getting no hand-outs from me!" nothing's required of us!

the 2 worst, i think, are when children get abused (even just ignoring them is abuse-- knowing you're loved is necessary for development and life!) and stripping the dignity from women and turning them into prostitutes. and you dont have to have sex with them to do that. Jesus said that looking lustfully at a woman is as having committed adultery with her. so basically, you just raped her.

the human condition. and we're all to blame.

repentance-- confession, contrition and penance. i'll be the first to admit that i treat people like shit. i hate it. but it's so easy! if you are in my life to any degree, i've used and abused you. i want to be sorry, but to be sorry means to make up for it and to do better. so not only is abusing easy, but being real is hard.

i guess the question is, what's the trade off? what do we get out of being real and sincere and considerate (especially when it takes so much effort, like telling a friend something they arent going to want to hear or serving someone who really just deserves a crack in the mouth)?

we get to be ourselves. or at least, that's what i'm told. if i give in to all my selfish, shallow desires, i'm an animal-- nothing more. if i feed the other dog, as it were, i'm letting Christ live through me. maybe the real Real Me doesnt get a chance until we shed this mortal coil. "whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."

so where does that leave me? i want to want to but i dont want to. the ol' "suck it up, princess" adage seems fitting at this point. i guess that's when we know it's true love for Christ-- to love people when we know how much it can suck.

why does it have to be the little things that matter? if i could just do grand acts of kindness i'd be good to go.

boy, is a fake life easy, but i kinda hate it. i only say kinda b/c it sure is easier.

hmm.

the rest of the story...

2007-05-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

so things didnt work out exactly as we expected them to, but our time rocked just the same.

we started on a little known trail, Pohono, hiked a distance of just about 4 miles with an approx. 2100 ft vertical gain. yeah. intense. i'm really impressed with myself in being able to read the map as far as altitude and finding water goes. jimmy, by the way, is a natural at finding water by reading his environment.

we camped at a place called stanford point, about 300 feet below our peak for the trip, next to meadow brook. we had a gorgeous view overlooking the valley, with some falls off in the distance. really cool. jengish took a picture or 2 at about sunset. you can read about his perspective by going to his blog (hint, there's a link on the side of my page --->).

it was a hard time. i was getting down on myself for needing so many breaks on the way up, not giving myself grace for the intensity of the climb and the fact that i've done nothing physical since the end of the lecture phase of my dts (in november) and have gained 2 inches on my waist since february (i lost a bit of that after this trip). on the way down the next day i realized how intense it really was (ignoring the numbers i already knew) and decided to go easy on myself.

i built the fire the night we were there and jimmy built it in the morning. we woke up wet from the frost during the night. the fire was a welcome guest in the morning (the only reason i was able to get out of my sleeping bag).

we dined during the trip on... food bars and string cheese. yep. from right after lunch to right before the next day, that was our diet. we all brought our own bars, jimmy brought the cheese (and had no problem cutting it, either) and i stumbled upon an interesting new thing when i was at the store the previous day. right under the energy bars in target there was a box of "sport bean jelly belly's." i figured if i dont try them now, i never will. something just didnt seem right about them. well, on the trail, they're actually pretty good-- tasty and nutritious (based on the fact that they taste like sweet vitamins). yeah. would i buy them again? yeah, maybe, if my budget allows, but real food first, next time.

yeah, i forgot that since we would be below 9600 feet we could have fires, meaning we could cook real food. oh well. the bars carried us through.

so what things did we talk about and what spiritual lessons did God reveal? you'll have to come next time to find out. that's actually just an easy way to say i dont remember. just kidding.

maybe you'll hear about some ideas we covered in upcoming blogs.... who knows?

peace out side (and it is!)

oh, come to the church in the wild....

2007-05-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

that's what i'm talking about!

i will be unavailable over the next 40 hours or so b/c i'm going to yosemite with jengish and jimmy. yeah, u heard me right. dont be jealous. ok, fine. u can be a little bit jealous.

i planned a trail, starting at about 8.5k feet which climbs about 1500 ft over a 4-5 mile distance. not too bad. at the top of the hike are a cluster of lakes, aptly called Ten Lakes. that's where i plan to reside for the night.

should be awesome. not too much of a hike, kinda intense elevation gain, plenty of beautiful landscape to explore once we make it to the lakes, i get to wear (and hopefully use!) my new knife w/o looking like a dork and i get to spend some quality time with jimmy, jengish and my loving Father.

there's this awesome quote by john muir (famous trail blazer, especially in the sierra nevada range) that goes something along the lines of even the most bored, overworked and over stressed city folk find they come home when they come to the mountains. works for me. it's what they call God's country, a-hee-huck. P-tew-- BING.

life

2007-05-17T23:33:00.001-07:00

or something like it

the other day i sat through the harsh reality of the lives of some kids that we visit every week. i'm still reeling and processing and waiting for my heart to completely shatter.

a quick run-down-- a 9 year old boy cant read, cant write, cant add and even has trouble speaking. the good thing is he just started school. the bad thing is he's already at least 2 years behind and with the way our "education" system is, he'll never catch up. add on top of all of that a family life that is lacking. parents who arent present, grandparents who dont give a ffff (and liberally use that word in his presence) and no one who cares to spend time with him, tell him he's good, teach him how to live or even how to function.

i'm realizing more and more, or becoming more and more aware, of the simplicity of NOW, more precisely, HERE AND NOW. i am right now. this is the gift God has given me. my gift back to Him is me right here. in this moment, in this place, what can i do to honor God and show the world Who He is?

i thank God that He's helping me become more and more aware of His Presence in and around me and the simple fact that i am exactly where He wants me to be a light for Him. i'm at borders because, at the least, there is one believer who doesnt know what it means to believe. there's another girl who used to weigh 180 pounds and weighs what she weighs now b/c of diet drugs. another girl is a lesbian. another has abandoned her faith. one guy doesnt know how to interact with human beings and another guy doesnt know how to be one. what other reason can God have me at borders than to share Him with them as He's has shared Himself with me?

the same holds true for this little family with these forgotten children. if i dont remember them, who will? if i wont affirm them, who will? if i dont show them that love is more powerful than any "spell" or skill or drug or problem or situation or pain, who will?

ah, and here's the clincher. i can't. i can't be the one. Jesus Christ, through me, can, if i let Him, if i ask Him to and trust Him as He does, as He leads, whatever it takes to release Him.

see, life is pretty simple.

sola faulte

2007-05-14T00:18:00.000-07:00

where's the faith in no Real Presence, baptism being symbolic, Christ unable to forgive sins through a priest (sharing His Real Power and Calling and Ministry), the Body being only spiritual, there's no real authority to face except the Bible (which we can interpret to fit our needs, "as the Holy Spirit leads"), works not being a part of salvation (no one is saying Grace is taken out of it, we are given the Grace to have faith just as much as we're given the Grace to work for God's glory), pretribulational rapture ("whew, glad i dont have to face that!"), etc. also, fit somewhere in here, america's money and the people's wealth and the lack of faith b/c of our "rich man" condition (our poorest poor in the top 76 percentile of THE WORLD)-- no real faith b/c no real need-- "america makes us free"

faith alone!
is what we hail
but have we stopped to consider
how that might fail?

faith is really
a complete trust
God, You are Who You are
and that's enough!

that's all well and good
but do we take Him at His Word?
it seems we've stripped the Life
from all these things we've heard

"I'll be with you always"
and "live like I do"
but if you live by Tradition
there's a hex on you

"die to self,
be raised in My Life"
but not by water
that's just an idea, all right?

"I send you out
in the way I was"
but only God can forgive sins
the same pharisee-tical fuss

what's the risk
in once and always saved?
we can sin as we choose!
we can't catch blame!

it doesnt take faith
to be free from works
just believe, man,
dont act like a jerk

when we take the Physical
out of the Body
there's no need for real unity;
our theology's then blotty

how can the world
see Christ in us
when we choose to not even
ride the same bus?

Christ's disciples didnt walk
b/c symbols are hard to accept
Jesus gave us Himself,
His Broken Body in Bread

and we westerners
have it all wrong
why would God choose just us
to save from harm?

what i mean by that
is the pre-trib rap--
what about the world's Christians
who, in Christ, bear the world's flack?

where's the faith
in living off our money?
how often are we in the position
where we have to be running

putting our faith
in the promise of God
simply bear our sufferings
with a trusting nod

the biggest lack of faith
in sola fide
is not having to do
what anyone else would say

well, that's how you see it
but not me
i'll interpret this myself, thanks,
because in Christ, i'm free

that's not Christ's love
to not give us a guide
the Apostles and Peter
what, would Christ lie?

i think we need
to trust God enough
that He gave us a way
to call the world's bluff

God isnt dead
and Christ hasn't left
and let's just put
all of our doubts to rest--

as a child doesnt understand
but will trust his father
these hard-to-swallows
are really gifts from our Lover

it's not as bad as you think

2007-05-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

"look, the other day, i intentionally lied because i just really didnt want to hang out with you. i'm sorry. that was selfish and rude. what are you doing this weekend? let's go out and i'm going to buy you a beer."

that's indulgence. righting a wrong and making up for it (willingly accepting a deserved punishment before it's dished out).

a little reminder

2007-05-06T00:04:00.000-07:00

well, to me anyway. stop reading. seriously. stop. this isnt for u.

the pocket thomas merton
new seeds pocket classics
merton
robert inchausti

ah yeah

the eMpTy V generation

2007-05-03T23:52:00.001-07:00

"You're a bum, Traveras!"

funny. i thought the term "bum" was reserved for people with no class, no decency and no respectability. in the little time these guys were in my life, they fit that description pretty well.

first, a definition, taken from myself (i'm so clever!). an MTV: a head with no original thought (that is, other-than-spoon-fed, personal ideas), a heart void of compassion and non-existent moral fiber encased by a person with no integrity, no conscience, no sense of justice and no strength to live life for the poor, weak and helpless; someone with a lack of respect for anything respectable and respect given only to the despicable; an all-talk showboat living a shallow existence. an empty V. and our society's full of 'em.

we went to a san francisco giants game a couple nights ago and there were a few DB's behind us. it all started with them harassing some old guy who was wearing a Dodgers jacket. all of a sudden, a label is more important than the human wearing it (sounds an awful lot like "infant"ries and the murder/rape/pillaging/killing they do in the name of their respective country. hmm). jenish, the kyrgyz man with a heart of gold (one day, he'll have teeth of gold, too. just like all the other kyrgyz i know!) stood up for the elder man, asking these guys to cool it.

the really cool thing is that these guys respected jenish's polite request, apologized to the gentlemen then continued to enjoy themselves at the game with their whooping and hollering in the name of their team, all while keeping it clean and respectable.

wow, life would be awesome if people would actually be people, huh?

no, these guys didnt stop. it just escalated. a friend of ours got a little tougher with these guys and did they man up and accept the challenge? no, they resorted to crude humor, never actually directed to my friend, b/c then they'd be in trouble. no, it was just about him, doing the "we're not actually doing anything wrong," thing. wow. V with a capital "vvvvvvv."

so my friend got the chance to grow in his patience (a gift from above, without a doubt [1Thess5.18]), jenish got to experience the up and coming generation hailing from the "best country in the world" (isnt that what we're calling it these days?) and i got my heart for humanity (especially this country) challenged. Lord, please help this turn into insightful compassion. i'm lost to cynicism and even bitterness if it's not.

so, just a quick blurb. it makes me sad. thank God He's my Hope and i dont have to trust in or rely on anything in this world b/c it would all count for naught (that's not counting believers. they are a part of God, being the Body of Christ and all. it just sucks when we act like the world. that's another blog for another time, but thanks for being interested). pray for me and pray for us believers and pray for america and pray for western culture and pray for the world.

that pretty much sums it up!

b/c america isn't what makes us free...

2007-04-28T21:41:00.000-07:00

In America
Christ only says, “forgiven!”
The idea that we’re
“cleansed from past sin”

But it’s more than just
A slate wiped clean;
It’s an end to slavery
A chance to be your true being

For me, the thoughts of others
Shape my actions
“What’ll they think of this?”
So the real me never happens

It’s also true for people
Who impose on others
“Hey, listen to me”
In their own selves smothered

Either way,
It’s something to prove.
One mask or another
So the real you doesn’t shine through

“I’m so cool,
People are lucky to know me,”
Or “I’m a screw up”
And other self-loathings

On one hand
The good qualities overshadowed by arrogance
or negative narcissism
Doesn’t give them a chance

The damage done
When we lust
Hurts those alone
And those who find luck

The mind expects all women
To open wide
That’s a lot of pressure
Just because a chick walked by!

And this goes out
To battle shyness
Look past their bodies
And try seeing their kindness

Guess what?
Then you wont be a pushover
You wont be a lapdog
In futile attempts to be her lover

The next step, of course,
For the trap of lust
Is taking advantage
Of someone’s body and trust

Women believe their beauty
Is their body as art.
They don’t even get a chance
To see their own heart

“You’re not pretty enough
And you don’t put out”
This barrage has caused
A moral draught

Humans only want
Their hearts accepted
But now both you and she
Are getting STD tested

Now let’s discuss we who need
Heart approval
Screamed by those captives of drugs
Or of being physically brutal

“Look at me,
I use self-medication”
Or whose attention-seeking
Has lead to killing, by escalation

These actions and attitudes
Are easily hooked
By the slave master Compensation
According to my psych-book

On a related topic,
The jailor Hate
How can anyone enslaved by this
Be so great?

“I’m mad because
You offended me!
You stepped on the toes
Of this human being!

“But wait,
Aren’t you human too?
It’s not like I’m great enough
To change the sky from blue.

“And think about all
The people I’ve crossed.
A penny I’ll pay for each-
Who could count the cost?”

When I hate
Or someone’s made me mad
I run their death
Over and over in my head

So if this was my world,
I’d give in to killing,
But, I mean really,
That’s not at all fulfilling

It’s always nice
To bring a smile
Or lighten the load
During a proverbial mile

So if you no longer
Wish to be captive
Then turn to the One
Who can let you live

He’s the One
Who heals the broken-hearted
And the One where
True Life started

It’s no longer
“me” or pride
But Christ, Who,
In my heart abides

It’s living in love,
Living for each other
Freedom for me
Not to be undercover

It’s more than just
A slate wiped clean
He’s the end of slavery,
The chance to be your true being

comb eunit tea

2007-04-25T20:27:00.000-07:00

i was at a community garden down in the airport district-- one place where we do the "bread line" on thursday. it was ONE DAY, a coming together of high school church groups doing service projects all over our fair Modesto. we were doing some hardcore "maintenance" work with Chris, Aaron and our ONE youth student James (that's what ONE DAY meant, right?) with another church, Laloma Grace Brethren. it was cool, it was hard, it was awesome, and it was beautiful coming together in the Lord.

oh, and Calvary Temple (i think) was there also, doing their own thing, which was also awesome. they had some people handing out food, others playing games and some guy talking to a group of the kids over a PA system.

the man said something that struck some kind of chord in me. he was talking to the kids about their "bad" friends. you know, the ones that want u to do bad things with them. there was such an emphasis on doing the right thing, despite ur bad friends (which is an important thing to live by). he was saying that your walk with Christ is up to you to live out, "despite your friends."

it got me to thinking about my past and how and why i am where i am. yes, i needed to go against the flow of my druggie friends (really, i had to drop them, which i did). but what took so long for me to "go against the flow"? b/c that was the focus. "drop your bad friends and do what you need to do." how come i couldnt?

i had people supporting me in my growth, telling me what i should and shouldn't do, to do or not do these things despite my feelings, despite my friends. but nothing happened; nothing changed. nothing happened until i had other friends, if u will (i did!).

COMMUNITY! this is the very exact precise specific reason that the Body of Christ is more than just a Spiritual Body. people, man. people. we need people. "no man's an island," right? how much more true is that than in the hardest, but most fulfilling, path than the Way?

we're reminded that "a chain is as strong as its weakest link." i say, "you're as strong as your community." think about it. when i'm struggling with sin, i confess it and am encouraged and guided through it. when i'm hurting, i got people to pour my heart out to. when i'm excited, i got people to share it with. when i'm lost, i got people who care to set me straight. I'M NEVER ALONE. that's all there is to it.

the difference between then and way back then is community! in the past, i got encouraging words, a few free lunches, all that. but when i had people walking side-by-side with me on a daily (or nearly so) basis, i started to live life the way it was supposed to be lived. i had a reason to live! i had people who cared about me and people i cared to live with (that's nothing against the family and friends that were there for me before, it's just how it was, how i was feeling).

have u read that Scripture where Christ is saying, in not so many words (well, more, i think), that "if you leave everything u have (family, friends, possessions, jobs, life) I will give you all that 100 times over now and later (Heaven, ah yeah!)." if you are willing to leave your worldly relationships God will bless you with REAL relationships! He will teach you how to truly love and live with people, in all its difficult-ass transparency (Waka, waka). i've got closer friends than i've ever had. i'm closer to my family than i've ever been. I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. yeah, me. i know. crazy.

anyway, i lost my train of thought, or inspiration, or whatever, so that's that for now. this deserves more attention than i'm giving it, but yeah. you're as strong as your community. dive in. fall in love with the blessing of people around you! pour out your heart and receive theirs! live the way we were supposed to, in right relationship with God and with each other.

didnt know i was a poet, did ya?

2007-04-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

aside from the recent spiritual adage i came up with ("screw it, just do it!"), i also write more traditional poems. this was a poem/song-that-didnt-get-nailed-down-to-music that i wrote sometime shortly after joining up with the guys. i remember it was the night before we got the new van. and i'm also aware that i post too many blogs too close together. what can i say, there's a lot on my mind. deal with it.

and without any further adieu (i assume that's french...)

Welcome to the Shiva
No money no honey, no chicken no curry
C’mon, it’s only 20 bucks and I’m in a hurry
I smoked my chrys and I got my rock
Hope there’s enough that they’ll open the lock…
…to my motel

I got what you need and you need what I got.
Help ignore the pain and help your brain rot
I only know the streets and how to survive
High on my supply; I need to stay alive…
…so I sell

Don’t go to school, my only friend is a beetle
I found him outside by another used needle
My parents party all night and sleep all day
I really just wish someone would take us away…
… from this hell

Did you give me a shoulder, something to cry on?
How ‘bout food when you knew I was starvin’?
Did you feed My sheep or love My lost?
Didn’t think you had to, that I was just…
…a “good deal”?

everything i write or whatever is all a work-in-progress. maybe one day, after Jimmy helps me put a beat to the rap i recently wrote, he'll help me make this an actual song and also put the blues riff i have in mind to this. i wonder if i can put songs on blogspot? that would be interesting...

dish wash nation?

2007-04-21T18:08:00.000-07:00

oh, dispensation! i was sorely... mistaken there... wasnt i, a-hmm hmm.

quick idea... dispensationalism: "As a current in Protestant Christian theology, dispensationalism is a form of premillennialism which teaches biblical history as a number of successive economies or administrations, called dispensations, each of which emphasizes the discontinuity of the Old Testament covenants God made with His various people." (Dispensationalism. Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dispensationalism. bolds mine). BUT, we all know that Christ didn't come to abolish the Law, but to fulfill it (Mt5.17).

so what does that mean? well, if the Old Testament Temple and Laws were a shadow of the spiritual, and Christ completed them, doesnt it make sense that He would still share these gifts, after they have attained their true power and Life, especially since we are now, like Him, both physical and spiritual?

what am i talking about? well, Old Testament covenants being united with Christ and given to us as the Sacraments. we all agree that He wouldnt give us something physical void of spiritual life and virtue (for example, the Bible isn't just a book, but His Written Word), but, again, since we are still Man, it just makes sense that He would impart spiritual gifts through physical means. We are human and He (having been made Man), knows what it is to walk in both worlds, as we do now.

i'm not saying one way or the other that we have to receive and practice all the Sacraments for life, i'm just saying that God, being the same yesterday, today and forever, continues to impart Himself (now completely!) through Sacred Tradition, the fulfilled/completed OT covenants, the Sacraments.

now, back to dish wash nation... i think tha.......

ok, chris!

2007-04-18T22:02:00.000-07:00

it's about hi-time u told me how to put people on the side of my blogpage (like "John in Ripon, Jimmy in Salida") and tell me how u get ur pics online. i just dont know.

God left us

2007-04-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

wait, is that what Gabriel told Mary? is that what Mt1.23 says? oh wait. no. Immanuel. "God with us." so why would Christ come and go? why would He make the most profound military attack in all of Creation, promise to lead us into all Truth and to be with us until the end of the age, then high-tail it outta here? why would He tell us He loves us so much that He would die for us, then leave us on our own to figure this life (and even Him) out?

yes, He gave us His Spirit, yes, He gave us His Written Word, but how is that any different than what He did for mankind through the Jews previously? Isn't the awesome love of God exemplified by Him descending from heaven to live side-by-side with us, teaching and growing and loving and leading us? isn't Jesus' Great Work to redeem mankind and restore us to God? didn't He unite us-- who we are-- with Divinity? does our humanness count for nothing anymore?

if so, why don't we just POP! out of the physical when we become Christians? what's the point of living life on this earth anymore?

i think our physical selves do count for something. i think God made Man and loves Man and works to reconcile Man to Himself. He can't love us if He hates what He made us. Yes, our flesh has been corrupted by our own doing and we need to be purified and purged of selfishness and division, but we are still Man and God still cares about our physical selves (why else would He desire so desperately for us to care for the hungry, naked, poor and help-/defenseless?) and our broken selves will eventually give way to our glorified bodies (in the style of our Risen Lord, Jesus Christ).

so this brings us to a Physical Church (because we are still physical even though the Spirit of God has given us new life) where God Himself teaches and guides us and explains Himself to us when we just dont understand. again, we believers, His Body, have to be physically united as long as we are physical creatures (it just makes sense) and He promised to teach us Truth. how does He do that? how does He teach us if He is not with us as we are (His Spirit and Sacred Scripture are not living, breathing people)?

it's simple, really. He ascended to the Right Hand of the Father, but not before anointing His peeps to live in His stead. not just teach, not just talk about, but to live in place of Him. He gave us the Magisterium! His Apostles speak His Words, perform His Acts and live by His Spirit. Heck, they wrote the New Testament, dont you think what they did would count for something as far as what we should do goes? doesnt it make sense that, since, "those who hear [them] hear [Him]," their teachings would be pretty perfect?

and why would their teaching end with them? well, it doesnt. 2Tim2.2 "And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others." succession! four tiers of succession in that verse alone. and that's not a new thing as Mt23.2 shows us. and v.3 shows us that, NO MATTER WHAT, we have to do what His successors tell us to do.

when i was struggling with the idea of God, and especially when i was a fallen believer too scared to come back, i would cry, cry, cry to Jesus, asking for Him to make Himself physically present to me so i could just talk to Him. i would plead, "You were a man! You know what it is to need a face to talk to and a person to touch! please!" i found that He later answered that prayer by bringing ywam modesto and new hope to me, specifically through Jimmy, as my Confessor and mentor.

James says to confess our sins, one to another (Jm5.16) and we're told elsewhere to encourage each other daily (Heb3.13). we're constantly admonsished to pray for each other and i ask for it nearly every day from my friends. why? because Christ is physically present when we are physcially, emotionally and spiritually there for each other, as a part of His Body.

there is life and freedom and power in hearing the words "Your sins are forgiven" by a man in persona Christi and that's why God has allowed us, Man, to share in His role of Mediator, Intercessor, Reconciler and Forgiver. just as there is none who baptizes with water and the Holy Spirit but Jesus Christ (Jn1.33) but we are told to "baptize in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" (Mt28.19) "in the name [power/authority] of Jesus Christ" (Act2.38), so too are we given the power and authority [right] to forgive and intercess on behalf of Jesus, for Jesus, with Jesus, by Jesus (Jn20.23).

then, of course, there's His Word. yes, Sacred Scripture, but that's only half of it. what Catholics call Sacred Tradition, or as i see it, Jesus' life lived out every Sunday, is what we've been looking at. these Sacraments are physical avenues that Jesus chose to physically give us to physically receive His Physical and Spiriutal blessings.

i'll start off by briefly addressing the idea of the "traditions of men!" and why Catholics aren't rebelling against God by living out the (infallible) teachings of the Church (can Jesus teach error? Mt16.19, Lk10.16-- if they can bind and loose, if Jesus is heard through their words, can it ever be error?).

in Mt15 and Mk7, Jesus was talking to the religious leaders about their traditions (not Scipturally based) that they would do in order to worm their way out of doing the Will of God. and that's the difference.

every Sacrament, every Tradition that the Catholic Church teaches and practices is taken directly from a gift of Grace that God gave us and Christ Himself completed for us-- baptism, confession, marriage, anointing the sick-- all for His glory, all for our growth in relationship with Him (that's not to say that people havent gotten the wrong idea and have taken advantage of the Sacraments as an idea of "fire insurance" ["sinner's prayer"/once-saved-always-saved, anyone?], but that's not official Church teaching).

the Word lived out every Sunday at Mass. Heaven touching earth; angel and saint-- both living and fully alive-- worshipping the God of Creation and His Anointed, side-by-side. that's what Revelations is. didnt you know that? yes, it's history. yes, it's prophecy. yes, it's poetic. yes, it's cryptic. it's also a parallel of how to-- and what happens when-- we worship God through Jesus and His completion of the Shadow of the Spiritual, ie, the Law. (for a more detailed explanation of this ancient idea [is 2000 years considered ancient?] see Dr Scott Hahn's book The Lamb's Supper). now that's a gift-- experiencing Heaven in our bodies now.

i would say His greatest Phsycial Presence (Present), on top of all of that, is His Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity present in all of Its broken-for-us, faithful-submission-to-God glory that is the Eucharist (you might know it as Communion or the Lord's Supper). The Power of God, the One thing that could unite our fallen selves to the Divine, Christ on the Cross, is given to us in pure, unadulterd love, holding nothing back. more than giving us a mere symbol of His Power of and over Death in and by Life, He gives us Himself to eat, to take into ourselves, to receive His Infinite Love and Strength, as a Bride her Bridegroom, for His glory, in rememberance of Him, as our Strength and Shield and Redeemer and Lover and King and Friend.

just as the Jews were required to eat the actual flesh of the sacrificial lamb, so too God loving requires that we eat the Actual Flesh of the Sacrificial Lamb, Who takes away the sins of the world. It's the Bread of Life that came down from Heaven. It's God Himself offering... Him... self... to us for His Life and Love and Power in all of Its glory. It's Jesus Christ in the Flesh!

i think our problem is (as it has always been) a lack of trust. we short-change what God has told us because it's too hard or it's too hard to comprehend. yes, Jesus gave us His Spirit and His Written Word, just as we are His Spiritual Body, but as long as we are physical people, Jesus has also made us His Physical Body which, as He promised, He will always be Physically Present for, "to the very end of the age." (Mt28.20).

so if you hear about anything Jesus gave us (especially Himself) being only spiritual (or even worse, merely symbolic), remember-- He loves us to much to do that.

test run II

2007-04-17T23:16:00.001-07:00

the electric boogaloo

VIA EMAIL-- GO!

wow, did u know that u could email urself blogs? well, u do now! (doesnt make too much sense though, given the fact that, since i'm online to email, i'm online to post). but hey, it's cool!

aah, man!

2007-04-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

so i noticed that, when i would put www.blogspot.com instead of www.BLOGGER.com, it would take me to a "page not found" page. then i thought, "hey, seems like that's a blogger address ready for the taking!" (in the style of anarbek.blogspot.com, u know). yeah, i tried. no, can't do it. sum-uh-nuh...

and instead of doing another post (and in an effort to write about my life instead of just ideas and all that) i'll talk about my night at work! woo!

when i got back from mexico, i just really didnt want to call in and tell them i was back. just something about working. anyway, i did and my first shift was tonight (tuesday) and i was dreading it as well! just the idea of being overwhelmed by coffee-learning-things and not knowing anyone (doesnt sound like me, does it?). but i prayed and God is cool. not only did He help me manage my ridiculousness but He also set it up that I worked with/got trained by someone i had talked to before and was kinda cool with and the trainer i thought i was going to have (who i didnt really connect that well with previously) showed up later. the coolest part of all this, though, is that during my other-person-training time i got to connect with this guy by joking and stuff, so now, when he trains me tomorrow, we'll be at that cool, "hey, we're cool" stage.

now leave me alone. i got a support letter to hash out (that wasnt a drug reference, i swear! that one was though).

attitude of gratitude

2007-04-16T22:38:00.000-07:00

i was looking back at one of Chris's (cwhitler.blogspot.com) blogs "Faith=risk" and it reminded me of this thing i wrote out 10 or so months ago that josh and i were planning on putting in a 'zine that we never got around to writing. i hope u like it!

"walk in the light, as he is in the light"

drugs were a problem as long as i didnt think they were a problem. life gets out of control as long as i think i have it under control. i'm a slave to sin as long as i'm in denial about my sin and i'll never grow through it until i give it to Christ and to my brothers.

"Pray and give thanks in all things...for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus."

God is a pretty funny guy. what seems so backwards to fallen/natural man is the greatest blessing and tool for our relationship with Christ. so being thankful in all circumstances is what God really wants for me as i walk with my Brother and God, Christ. that means God wants me to actually thank him, give him glory and praise, for all the frustrating, annoying, hard and scary times and not just the "isnt life great, look at all i have and have done" moments of joy and reflection. but why does he want that for/from me? how does that help mend our broken relationship with God?

first of all, the mere act of thanking God for feelings of, let's say, frustration/impatience, for example, allows us to accept the fact that we are pissed off or annoyed and don't have Christ's peace. "God, thank you that i feel really agitated right now because my boss won't get off my back." easy enough.

the second thing it does is shows us where our flesh still has control of our lives and hearts, ie, what and where we arent allowing Christ to reign. "Thank you that feeling agitated means i havent learned Christ's patience."

now we are accepting the fact that our feelings arent bad, they are a tool for growth. God's Truth becomes more and more evident to us, thereby it will be more apparent through us as we live our lives of love and point back to Christ.

this is the part where it all comes together and that gratitude will start to feel real. this is the part of growth. this is what Christ is anxiously fidgiting in his seat (at the right hand of the Father) waiting for us to find -- realizing Christ's sovereignty, direction and love in our lives. "And thank you, Lord, that by showing me how i'm not like you, it means that that's where you are going to do some growing in me!"

now it's all back on Christ's shoulders. we just have to walk the Way. the next time we find our selves in a frustrating situation, instead of resorting to our old man, we realize that it is Christ pruning us, molding and shaping us, into his glory. tough times kinda' lose their edge when we see that it's God lovingly teaching us to be like God.

another tool God lovingly gives us, and another example of the way life is truly meant to be lived, is open relationship and community with our Christian brothers and sisters. when we become Christians, when the Spirit of God and Life is born within us, we become new people in a new family. and family is meant to be close (regardless of the way our society has made it appear). "Hey guys, recently Christ has really been showing me how easily annoyed and pissed off i get at people, especially my boss." now, i know my family isnt going to judge me or condemn me because they know what it's like to be human growing to be like God, also. so it allows me to be real and get things off my chest. it also gives me people who i can count on to pray for me, encourage me when things start getting really hard to handle (growing isnt always easy, even when Christ is doing it!) and if i slip up and cuss out my boss (at least mentally, if not physically) i dont have to let my failures eat at me in secret. i can walk in the Light and be free to be me in Christ as i grow to be more like him.

this is where i give a quick shout out to all my family (physical and spiritual) who has been Christ and community to me in prayer, accountability, a mentor, an ear and a friend! life (especially these last 5 months) would have been impossible without every last one of you. thank you, and thank God for you.

let's top it off with one more praise then we'll tie it all together. "Thank you, Brother, that you care enough about me to reveal your life to me, how my flesh doesnt measure up and that you are the only Way to experiencing true Life. Thank you that you want me to have true life with you. thank you that you care for someone who needs as much work as i do."

so basically, God is worthy of our praise because he wants us to live the life we were meant to live, in his image, in his glory and in his love. he gives us the Spirit of Truth and his Word to reveal it to us, shows us the Way to walk it out and grow and gives us the desire for true Life so we will. and he gives us our Christian brothers and sisters so we have physical people to talk to and love on. all praise and glory be to God our Father in heaven, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Ahh-yeah!

hmmm

2007-04-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

You’re St. Justin Martyr!

You have a positive and hopeful attitude toward the world. You think that nature, history, and even the pagan philosophers were often guided by God in preparation for the Advent of the Christ. You find “seeds of the Word” in unexpected places. You’re patient and willing to explain the faith to unbelievers.

Find out which Church Father you are at The Way of the Fathers!

here's the thing...

2007-04-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

...tell me what u think!

yes. you read that right. it's not too hard.

i remember when i had myspace and no one would ever really respond to my blog! i want feedback! what do u think my email is for? why else do i write my thoughts to the world? and how else am i supposed to think about what i think about if no one gives input on what i think about?! think about it!

and for those of u who do... thanks!

(and i know, chris, that you are the first one to even read my blogspot, let alone respond to it, so dont think that that is in response to u leaving a comment. this is for future blog-readers who just dont get it!)

so He says...

2007-04-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

the words and examples are taken from Dr. Scott Hahn, from his interview with Mike Acquilina on "Swear to God," named after Dr Hahn's book. i'm taking them and running!

so not only can God not lie b/c of His supreme uprightness, but He cannot lie due to His Infinite Power. if God were to say "John is a dog," then i would have to-- every cell in my body and every fiber of my being, in the full reality of the physical and spiritual-- would have to become that of a dog because all things in all existence must bow in submission to Him. if He states something as such, it is such.

"My Flesh is Real Food and My Blood is Real Drink." (Jn6.55) there's no ambiguity here. Jesus doesnt go on to explain Himself as anything but what He matter-of-factly states like He does everywhere else in the New Testament when He's misunderstood. Just as He is the Temple that housed the Spirit and Presence of God on earth that was destroyed and raised up in 3 days as He states (cryptically, but not symbolic- or figuratively), so too is His Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity mysteriously present in His gift to us, the Eucharist. All of nature, both seen and unseen, must bow down to not only the Words of God, but to the Word of God, no matter how "hard to accept" (v60-66) it may be.

i'd rather risk taking Him seriously and being wrong than short-changing the very Words that came from His mouth.

from me to you

2007-04-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

It’s about time we got in line

I’m not here
to attack your church,
but you need to know
that Christ’s Heart hurts.

There’s fear
of vain repetition,
but Jewish Tradition
Jesus was living.

You go to church
and sing your songs,
a few handshakes
and a service not too long

Sounds like a
watered-down Mass to me.
Jesus is our Friend,
but lack of reverence for our King?

We get stuck on
our ten “fave” songs
but reciting a prayer
is all of a sudden wrong?

Jesus will lead us
into all Truth;
led by the Spirit
He’ll give our hearts the proof

Jesus is the Word
in Scripture and Flesh,
but it’s too true—
Scripture alone cane make a mess

There’s a decided lack of
discipleship these days.
Not just convert, but
“make disciples” my Bible says

So if we all started
on the same page
all the confusion
would be laid to waste

If only Christ
had the wisdom
to leave someone on Earth
with the keys to His Kingdom

If only His Bride
was given a leader
who used the Spirit, Scripture
AND history to feed her

Someone to lead
Christ’s army into war
because all of these ronins
our Kingdom can’t afford

How can we survive
without Authority and Structure?
That’s why Christ set the example
of the submission posture

“Not my will,
but Yours be done.”
That means it might not
always be fun

You think you
always have to agree?
No, we sacrifice “self”
for the sake of the Team

The most pressing thing
on Christ’s Heart before death
is that we would be united
to prove He was sent

But it’s more than just
avoiding disunity, man.
We need to passionately charge,
not just stand!

These separate agendas,
or factions, as I call them,
are the “divide and conquer”
that Christ fore mentioned

So who should we follow
in the authority of the Head?
Well, who did Christ lovingly
leave in His stead?

I believe He made
Peter the Point.
And I think Christ knew
who he’d anoint

It’s in the nature of kingdoms
to name successors
and the Church obviously needs someone
to set the measure

I know not every Pope
has been perfect
but that isn’t grounds
for us to reject

something Christ gave us
for our own good—
a way to guide us
when He’s misunderstood

The Early Church
understood this
for example, when the circumcision
issue was laid to rest

Resolution came
and the sides embraced.
They heard Paul’s words,
authority-laced

So if we wont yield
to who He put in charge,
can’t it be said
that our loyalty’s a farce?

We are no longer foreigners
in God’s nation;
a holy people—
and we’re not on vacation!

If we are to bring
God’s Kingdom to light
then in this dark world,
for Truth we must fight

The One Truth
isn’t subject to relativity
“to each his own”—
no recipe for longevity

Witchcraft and rebellion
we’ve all been set free from
So let’s all submit
as citizens of God’s Kingdom!

(by the Spirit through John Rosenbaum)

posted w/o permission!

2007-03-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Saturday Morning Catechesis: Conversion
Posted by Mickey Addison @ 12:00 AM
I once attended a parish mission where the Franciscan friar giving it was talking about the lack of vocal zeal by some Catholics. He made the remark as part of a running joke during his talk about how his preaching had elicited a boisterous "Amen!" from the back of the room by a recent convert to the Catholic Faith.
When he returned to the topic of zeal again later, I thought I'd throw him a bone after one particularly good point, and let go with a loud, "Amen!" myself. The room chuckled and the good friar turned to face me asking, "Appreciate that did you? Are you a convert?" The room chuckled again, and I merely answered, "No, Father, I'm a cradle Catholic."
"Well, that is a welcome surprise," he retorted, "An Amen! from a Catholic!" He smiled and returned to his homily about the need to conform ourselves to Christ, and to take in the full meaning of Lent.
After some thought about that exchange between me and the good friar, I realized I didn't answer him correctly when he asked if I was a convert. What I should have said in answer to his question is, "Yes, Father. Everyday."
You see, despite the fact that Christ has granted me the grace to be perfect in holiness, I'm just not there yet. I have accepted the Lordship of Jesus Christ, and I have no doubts about my place in the universe, but sometimes I forget to do what I'm supposed to do. That is to say, sometimes I think I know what's best for me and I forget to listen to the voice of our Lord.
That's when I need conversion.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines conversion this way: "Conversion requires convincing of sin; it includes the interior judgment of conscience, and this, being a proof of the action of the Spirit of truth in man's inmost being, becomes at the same time the start of a new grant of grace and love: "Receive the Holy Spirit." Thus in this "convincing concerning sin" we discover a double gift: the gift of the truth of conscience and the gift of the certainty of redemption. The Spirit of truth is the Consoler." (#1848)
Conversion is not a discreet activity, it is a continuing process. Some moments are more conspicuous than others, and surely the first time someone recognizes Jesus for Who He truly is has a "significant emotional event," and remembers that moment as their conversion. But giving one's life over to Christ doesn't complete one's conversion, it merely begins the journey.
St Paul, the great evangelizer of the Gentiles, understood that "abiding in Christ" (cf. Jn 15:4) was not a once-and-you're-done sort of thing. He wrote in his letter to the church at Corinth, "No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after having preached to others, I myself should be disqualified." (1 Cor 9:27)
St Paul understood that while it is important to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, it was only the beginning of a Christian's road to Heaven. Conversion must a constant path to holiness throughout one's life. Furthermore, salvation is a guarantee only to those who finish the race, in other words, remain in the friendship of Jesus Christ to the end. Certainly, He will never remove His outstretched hand, but we must cooperate with Him and take His hand. In other words, St Paul taught that we can't earn our salvation, but we can surely loose it.
It's easy to loose our way in our modern world. Our culture is awash with filth and false teachers. Sadly, the cultural revolution in the 1960s and '70s has brought only darkness and pain masquerading as joy. Even the most committed Christian can be confused and make a wrong turn.
Conversion, then, is the singular grace of a loving Father that we recognize our own need for Him and continuously seek Him out. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a beautiful way to train our hearts to be open to conversion daily. St Paul compared the Christian life to an athlete training for the Olympics, "Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one." (1 Cor 9: 25) Just as an athlete has to understand his weakness so to train himself to improve his performance, so we have to name our own sins and seek the grace to overcome them.
In our human weakness, it is easy to loose our way. The Good News is that we are so loved, that no matter how intense the suffering, we can count on the faithful offer of grace for daily conversion.
And each day we re-commit ourselves to abide in Christ, we take one more step closer to eternal life with Him.

Mickey Addison is a career military officer, and has been a parish level catechist and Catholic Scripture Study, Int'l leader. He and his wife have been married for 19 years and they have two children.Copyright 2007, Rosary Army

le Bible

2007-03-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

the mass availability of the Bible can only mean two things...
1. Men are without excuse, and
2. When **it hits the fan, those who hold fast to the faith wont be left to themselves but will have somewhere to turn for guidance.

it's a shame how much we dont care right now

mhm, mhm, mhm

yeah, yeah, yeah, the first one, woo hoo

2007-03-23T17:37:00.000-07:00

yeah, u read that right. now get off my back!

i've hesitated getting into online mass communication for quite some time. well, as u can see, no more! i have succumbed! u'll never see me on myspace again, but this i can do.

i need to take a nap